Monday, May 27, 2013

Happy 2nd Annual Forgetting Day!

Last year, we decided to create our own holiday on Memorial Day: Forgetting Day.   It's pretty self-explanatory.  All you have to do after you're done memorializing all the men and women that died fighting for our country is spend the rest of the day forgetting all the men and women that fucked you over.  Here are the top ten ways you can celebrate this holiday with us: 

10.  Delete his or her number from your phone immediately.

9.  Stop following your ex on Twitter and Instagram.  And either unfriend them from Facebook or hide them from your newsfeed.  Or hack their account and write sweet nothings from them on your own Facebook wall. 

8.  Stop staying in touch with his or her parents.  STOP IT. Why would you ever want to stay in touch with someone's parents.  Yes, I'm talking to you Jennifer Aniston and Jane Pitt. 

7.  You know all those photos and letters and cards and mixed CDs you still have?  Well, find the nearest shoe box, dump that shit in there, and put it under your bed.

6.  You know that shoebox you have under your bed?  Take it out and set it on fire.

5.  Quick!  Have sex with someone else! Anyone.  Just do it!

4. That "let's meet up for a drink and catch up" date you have on your calendar?  Flake.  Immediately.  Better yet, just don't show up.  Better yet, show up with whoever you just had sex with in #5.

3. Stop being friends with his or her friends.  I know they might have felt like mutual friends when you were dating and that you claim to really like them, but the real reason you still talk to and hang out with them is so that you can feel close to your ex. 

2. Make a promise to yourself.  I,                     will never Google my ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend) ever again as long as I live.  And if I do, all of my friends will drop dead.

1. Have someone hit you over the head really hard with a blunt object.  But not so hard where you die or suffer super severe brain damage.  Just hard enough where you lose your memory.  A sad side effect of this will be that you will also forget all the people you love, but that's a small price to pay for forgetting that ex that totally dicked you over. 

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for the read.
    I realise that I am very good at the forgetting part of a blow off. It is not that I forget and forgive but I did almost all top ten after each break-up.
    It has a surprising effect on the guy who blew you off (or at least the french ones): he come back. It is almost like you did not love them because you're not stalking them after the break-up.

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  2. that's such a good point! Forgetting about someone can actually make them crazy in the process and want you back. Added bonus!

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  3. Man, this entire blog is hilarious and so on point. I have been scrolling through the entries for about an hour just reading and laughing. Bookmarked and love!! Thank you.

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