Thursday, May 16, 2013

the new york city BLOW OFF

2005: me & my bestie Alison right before we started our cross country drive from NY to LA
I moved from Manhattan to Los Angeles nearly eight years ago.  When I left, it felt like a break up.  But one of those break ups when you're really not ready to leave the other person, but you don't have much choice.  I'd been promoted at my job-- which was great-- but it also meant having to move to LA.  I'd only been living in New York for three years and I hadn't quite gotten it out of my system yet, but it was a great career opportunity and it meant being much closer to my family in the Bay Area.  So, I said yes.

Before I left New York, I took photographs of all the places that meant something to me.  I ordered sepia-toned prints of each picture, stuck them in cheap $2 frames and posted them all around my bedroom in LA.  I literally surrounded myself with pictures of New York.  If you think about it...this is like covering your walls with pictures of the greatest moments between you and your ex-boyfriend.

The first year I lived in LA, I started dating a guy in New York (of course) and made regular trips out there.  He lived in Williamsburg so it felt like exploring a new part of the city.  The trips out there eased the pain of having left,  but eventually he moved to LA and my trips out there became less and less frequent.  And when I would go back, it just didn't feel the same.  It was like when you have drinks with an ex after you haven't seen each other in awhile.  So much about them seems different and yet so much of them has stayed the same.  It's a strange balance.  As of right now, I haven't been to New York in almost three years which is as long as I lived there.

After a year in LA, I moved out of the house  that I shared with my two besties in Echo Park and got my own apartment in Silverlake.  The framed photos came with me and I decorated a few different walls in my apartment with them.  Two years later, the guy and I moved into an apartment together and the hallway was lined with my photos.  We lived there for four years until we moved into a house in Silverlake.  Now, the framed photos are just sitting in a closet.  I feel like I've outgrown them and that those same landmarks don't mean as much to me as they used to.  After all, I've lived in LA nearly three times as long as I lived in NY.  And I'm in love with LA.  I'll always love New York, but not the way I used to.  The H-bomb says I should just keep the photos and throw away the frames, but the photos have been in those frames for so long that they're stuck to the glass.  And I have digital copies of all the pictures.  I do have a sentimental attachment to them, but I also hate clutter.  I don't want to put them up in our new house, but I don't think I'm quite ready to throw them away either.  I think the compromise would be sticking them in a box and putting them in the garage.  It'll be comforting to know they're still there, but I won't have to look at memories from a time in my life that just doesn't mean what it used to. 

Either way, I think this makes it official.  New York and I are really over.

2 comments:

  1. Really good! I sat here shaking my head as I can relate to so much of what you said. I lived in NY longer than I lived here but the "drinks with the ex" comment is very relatable. I will never say NYC and I are over but we are in a different space. Literally and figuratively.

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    1. "in a different space" I LOVE THAT! Glad you can relate! xoxo

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