Tuesday, May 28, 2013

the scariest thing about a BLOW OFF

As mentioned in last week's four things post, I've had a bit of a rough time of it this month trying to land my next writing job.  I came up short this year-- and seriously-- this will be the last time I whine about it, but going through the experience has been a painful reminder of just how difficult it is to get rejected.  Everyone tells you that you're going to be okay and that everything happens for a reason and that there's a silver lining, blah blah blah, and even though they're right it just doesn't really make you feel better.  So, I'm sorry when I've used all the same lines on my friends when they're going through break ups.  I should have just shut up and handed them a giant bottle of red wine.

Most importantly, this latest career setback reminded me of the most earth-shattering part of a break up.  That scary thought we don't want to allow ourselves have, but it's sort of impossible to not let it sneak up on our subconscious.  That thought is....

....what if no one else will ever love me?  Yes, it's sad to say good bye to that specific person and mourn all the dreams you had together.  And the transition from being in a couple to suddenly being alone can be a difficult adjustment-- but the reason all those things are so daunting and scary is because deep down, we're all terrified that maybe that was as good as it gets.  What if no one else will ever love us the way that person did (if that person even loved us at all)?

And I guess it's possible, right?  Somewhere out there, people have gone through break ups and decades have passed and they still haven't managed to find someone else that wants to be with them and/or someone they want to be with. 

I'm still in that phase of being really hard on myself so I'm not sure I have any wisdom or words of comfort to offer except this: fake it till you make it.  Tell yourself that person (or that career opportunity) is right around the corner.  Repeat the advice you've been getting from everyone else: Everything happens for a reason, there is a silver-lining, my great love is waiting for me in the very near future.  The person who will love me the way I deserve to be loved.  The person that will make me realize that last guy who rejected me is a total d-bag and thank God he did me the biggest favor by ripping my heart to shreds or I would still be with his stank ass and not this awesome amazing well-endowed person I'm with now.  

So join me in lying to ourselves until we all really start believing it until (hopefully) it actually becomes the truth.  Also, mom or dad, if you're reading this: I'm really okay, I promise.

5 comments:

  1. As a fellow writer, I have to say that I actually quite enjoy reading about your professional trials and triumphs. You don't have to stop the whining when times are tough! Really! Anyone in the profession understands.

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  2. And..."The Goodwin Games" has received some pretty darn good reviews, even though it seems it had no real chance to live. Remember the good stuff!

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  3. So glad there are other writers out there that can relate! It makes me feel like I'm not alone. And thanks Becky for making me feel like it's okay to whine and for reminding me to focus on the positive!

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  4. The Goodwin Games is a million times better than Arrested Dev Season 4. I love you! This place is for whining-- whining about boys, whining about jobs, whining about money, whine whine whine. Embrace it.

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