Wednesday, May 1, 2013

the top ten signs the honeymoon period is over

During the first year of my relationship with my life partner (Yes, that's how he's entered in my phone.  I know, barf) anytime I would recount something really sweet or romantic to my friends, they would smile and politely say: awwww, you guys are still in the honeymoon period.

Say what?  Back off bitches!  Our honeymoon period is FOREVER.  But they were right.  The honeymoon period never lasts.  I know at times it can be alarming and it might put you in panic-mode about whether a break up is right around the corner, but it's actually a good thing when it starts to fade away.  That's when shit starts to get real and you can really decide if the person you're dating is the person you want to give the privilege of entering as "life partner" in your phone. 

Here are the top ten signs that your honeymoon period is about to come to an unceremonious end:

10. One of you starts letting negative comments slip about the others friends or family.  That lifelong childhood friend of your significant other that you pretended to love for so long?  Well, now that you've been dating for a year, you feel a little safer saying: That fucker is a huge asshole and I would prefer to never hang out with him.

9.  The sex is different.  I'm not saying it gets bad.  But it might be slightly less frequent or slightly less adventurous or maybe just a little more "skip the appetizers, get to the main course" if ya know what I mean.  And you might not think twice about skipping that bikini wax for six months.  The good news is, the sex can also get better.  The honeymoon period still means you're not completely comfortable with each other and the less self conscious you are around your significant other, the better the boning.

8.  Some couples will never talk about their gas issues.  For the H-bomb and I, it might be 90% of what we talk about.  Okay, I'm exaggerating.  85%.  But he also farted around me like a month in.  But if you both kept your farts to yourself the 6-12 month mark is usually the period of time where you start to bond over your mutual gas and IBS issues.  It's really quite liberating.  Just as an FYI, my parents have been happily married for 38 years and they are adamantly against ever discussing these things with each other.

7.  The spontaneous texts during the work day start to go away.  You know, the ones you received randomly while you were at the office that said things like "thinking about you" or "you're beautiful" or "what are you wearing?"  It's not that they go away completely, but when your significant other was sending them at the beginning of the relationship, what he really meant was "I'm writing you this text so that you will know that I like you and won't look for dick anywhere else."  Once you've been together for a year, he knows his territory has been marked.  Some days he might not text at all.  I know, shocking.  (side note: remember when people used to call each other on the phone?  That was weird.)

6.  The fights get really real.  At the beginning of a relationship you're both on your best behavior and at the first sign of conflict, one person usually tries to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible.  When you do end up fighting, afterwards you're both like: "hahahahahaha, our first fight!  High-five!  Let's have sex now!"  When you've hit the one year mark and you've invested enough time into the relationship where you know that one big fight won't equal break-up, then the fights get way more intense.  It's like go big or go home.  And there's no "yay, us!  We had a fight!" at the end.

5. The person in the relationship that's usually the more amenable one starts becoming more decisive and less inclined to do things they really don't want to do.  Gone are the days of going to see a movie, because you know your significant other really wants to see it or eating Ethiopian food even though it tastes like nothing.  This is okay, because you can always go have Thai food with your friends and he can always go see Expendables 3 with his friends.

4.  You would rather spend the night at your own apartment than go to the trouble of packing an overnight bag to stay at his place...even if it means *yikes* not seeing each other for a night.  This might also have something to do with #9...when suddenly spending the night together doesn't necessarily mean you're going to have sex.  Pack a freaking overnight bag and not have sex?!?  HELL NO.

3.  One of you (and not to be sexist, but it's generally the female in a relationship) starts letting the crazy emerge.  All women know that guys usually freak out at the first sign of "overly emotional," so we make our best effort to keep our insecurities and panic attacks at bay during those first blissful twelve months (I think I only made it to seven months).  We try to be the cool girlfriend that lets everything roll off her back.  But that girl is just an illusion.  When she's finally gone, you will most likely see us cry a few times in one week.  Our pain is usually caused by one of two things: Something you did to us OR because we have nothing to wear.

2. Every so often, you break plans with each other at the last minute to hang out with your friends.  I remember the first time this happened with the life partner and I.  It was the first time I knew we were officially out of the honeymoon phase.  Quick anecdote: we were just a month shy of the one year mark.  It was a Friday night and we'd made a date night for dinner and a movie.  He called me at work late in the afternoon to ask if he could break our date to go to Pechanga (a casino on an Indian Reservation in Temecula) with his guy friends for the night to gamble.  I was so confused.  First of all, he would have NEVER done this before.  I definitely let the crazy out.  I told him I was really pissed that he was going to flake last minute, but now I didn't want to hang out with him anyway so he should go.  He said he wasn't going to go anymore.  I told him to go, when what I really meant was: you better not fucking go!  I called him a few hours later and he was on the road to Pechanga and I was like WTF?!  To make matters worse, he totally pocket dialed me that night.  When my phone rang, I thought it was him calling to apologize, but instead I heard him and all the dudes laughing at a black jack table.  Honeymoon phase = OVER!

1.You both start becoming way more bearable to be around, because you've finally mellowed out in public.  You're not constantly whispering into each others ears when you're out with a group of friends or making out when you think no one is looking or leaving parties early to go have sex.  Or telling all your friends how in love you are and how perfect your relationship is.  I mean, there's nothing worse than having issues in your own relationship and having to listen to your friend explain how well things are going with them and their significant other.  I'm not gonna lie, it's a huge relief when six months later, that same person finally admits they have problems too.  So, I know you might be sad that your honeymoon period is over.  But take some comfort in the fact that everyone around you is thrilled.

25 comments:

  1. i agree with all of this but my honeymoon period will never end!

    hehe jk, great post as always

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  2. Film Girl, you guys have kept the honeymoon period going for awhile! Congrats!

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  3. lol...very good.,I'm a guy and I agree with all you said

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  4. OMG! I was so freak out thinking that we were about to break up even thought he said everything is fine, but it just that when he doesn´t reply my texts I feel he is been rude to me, we only have been dating for 10 months :( and the wax thing was so damn funny hahaha.

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    1. I'm honestly going through this same problems. A little over ten menths and he replies to everyone else but me...and then he just shows up at my house...idk...

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    2. its because he would rather give you time in person than over the phone. meaning he most likely doesnt do the same thing to anyone else. He just shows up at your house because he knows that what you would perfer than a text xD Guys just like to get straight to the point and not have to do extra work.

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  5. Haha I'm Ethiopian lol... Well half

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  6. I don't think you Ethiopian food right. Ethiopian food is amazing

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  7. okay, I need to give it another shot. I only had it once at a place in New York and I wasn't into the spongy bread you dip in the food. I'm going to try it again!

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  8. 1. Ethiopian food is amazeballs
    2. This article was reassuring, thank you!

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  9. Do you get married at a young age in Africa.

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  10. Yea, I only made it to 7 months too before my crazy came out. Ended up unemployed around 5 months, and 2 months into unemployment I swear I was a one woman freak show haha. He handled it so well though.

    And I may or may not have farted for the first time in front of him the other day...well, the first time that it was on purpose and not an accident or in my sleep.

    All these others have happened too. Really glad to be out of the honeymoon phase. It was fun, but now it's real and we still love each other, which is really comforting.

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  11. We farted in front of each other before we even started dating. :P
    We're 8 months in and still totally smitten - although he pisses me off a lot, he's still the only man for me. And I'm pretty sure I let the crazy out around the 2 month mark so he's used to it by now.

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  12. We've been together two years and the honeymoon period is still here, none of that stuff has happened, but we did fart like 3 months in ;)

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  13. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 years and about 3 months ago we started argueing seriously and over christmas I almost broke up with him at least 3 times... We're complete polar opposites with hardly anything in common and a lot of these points in your article are exactly what we have started going through... The only thing stopping me leaving is that I still love him so much and cant bare to be apart from him. I don't know what to do? :( Any suggestions?

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    1. I think you need to decide if it's just that you guys have gotten more comfortable with each other and that's the reason for the fighting and arguing or if your differences are things that will continue to haunt you for the rest of your relationship. I think loving him so much and not being able to bear being apart from him is a pretty good reason to stick it out-- once that feeling starts to change, then better to start rethinking the situation.

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    2. Yeah I'm probably just being paranoid about things going wrong. I'm trying to let things go that repeatedly annoy me cause some things wont change. Thanks for your reply :)

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  14. I think mine's ever so slowly getting to the end. We argue sometimes but that's usually resolved within minutes. I can't stay angry at him. We're comfortable around each other, fart in front of each other and sometimes don't text all day (because we're both so busy so idm). I think it's nearly finished but I'm tolerating it really well and showing respect to him like I did in the beginning because I feel he deserves it. I think we just have a genuinely good and strong relationship with good communication so it always feels like the honeymoon phase but less cheesy :p (well he's still cheesy ;))

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  15. You know the honeymoon is over when you're in the bathroom shaving and the wife comes in, sits down, and takes a dump.

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  16. I knew the honeymoon phase was over when my girlfriend and I talked about farts (#8 was so relatable, I laughed) and talking about snot rocketing in the shower and peeling off our sunburns.

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  17. So when my girlfriends suddenly stopped sending me spontaneous messages or took more time to answer my messages, that only meant the honeymoon period was over ?

    But I really don't like that. I think that's not normal. I'm spontaneous every day and I really think my girlfriend is the most important person in my life (after me). I would never do that to her. So if she does that to me... fuck her ! I don't want to hear about her anymore.

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  18. Mine ended after only 12 days and now i feel like i cant stand to be around him much anymore. Is this just withdraw from the oxytocin being gone?

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  19. all ten can be avoided with skill.

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  20. I've been with my boyfriend initially 2 years and I was so infatuated with him it lasted that long every time I kissed him I got butterflies he could do no wrong. Then we broke up as he went away for a year and I was at university, we still spoke which probably wasn't wise as we went out on dates, met other people and just a lot of jealousy. We finally ended up living near each other again and we decided to spend 3 months dating each other again to see if it was right. We then decided to carry it on and have been going out now for a year and a half, but the past few months I have felt differently. I don't get butterflies anymore I'm not as infatuated but I know I love him it just feels different. He still makes me laugh a ridiculously amount and i almost my feelings are like the best friend you could ever have, but is this just being out of the honey moon phase? I agreed with a lot of things you said, or am I falling out of love? Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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  21. You honestly made my night! I laughed so hard. Just thank you

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