Wednesday, May 1, 2013
the top ten signs the honeymoon period is over
Posted by saaara
Say what? Back off bitches! Our honeymoon period is FOREVER. But they were right. The honeymoon period never lasts. I know at times it can be alarming and it might put you in panic-mode about whether a break up is right around the corner, but it's actually a good thing when it starts to fade away. That's when shit starts to get real and you can really decide if the person you're dating is the person you want to give the privilege of entering as "life partner" in your phone.
Here are the top ten signs that your honeymoon period is about to come to an unceremonious end:
10. One of you starts letting negative comments slip about the others friends or family. That lifelong childhood friend of your significant other that you pretended to love for so long? Well, now that you've been dating for a year, you feel a little safer saying: That fucker is a huge asshole and I would prefer to never hang out with him.
9. The sex is different. I'm not saying it gets bad. But it might be slightly less frequent or slightly less adventurous or maybe just a little more "skip the appetizers, get to the main course" if ya know what I mean. And you might not think twice about skipping that bikini wax for six months. The good news is, the sex can also get better. The honeymoon period still means you're not completely comfortable with each other and the less self conscious you are around your significant other, the better the boning.
8. Some couples will never talk about their gas issues. For the H-bomb and I, it might be 90% of what we talk about. Okay, I'm exaggerating. 85%. But he also farted around me like a month in. But if you both kept your farts to yourself the 6-12 month mark is usually the period of time where you start to bond over your mutual gas and IBS issues. It's really quite liberating. Just as an FYI, my parents have been happily married for 38 years and they are adamantly against ever discussing these things with each other.
7. The spontaneous texts during the work day start to go away. You know, the ones you received randomly while you were at the office that said things like "thinking about you" or "you're beautiful" or "what are you wearing?" It's not that they go away completely, but when your significant other was sending them at the beginning of the relationship, what he really meant was "I'm writing you this text so that you will know that I like you and won't look for dick anywhere else." Once you've been together for a year, he knows his territory has been marked. Some days he might not text at all. I know, shocking. (side note: remember when people used to call each other on the phone? That was weird.)
6. The fights get really real. At the beginning of a relationship you're both on your best behavior and at the first sign of conflict, one person usually tries to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible. When you do end up fighting, afterwards you're both like: "hahahahahaha, our first fight! High-five! Let's have sex now!" When you've hit the one year mark and you've invested enough time into the relationship where you know that one big fight won't equal break-up, then the fights get way more intense. It's like go big or go home. And there's no "yay, us! We had a fight!" at the end.
5. The person in the relationship that's usually the more amenable one starts becoming more decisive and less inclined to do things they really don't want to do. Gone are the days of going to see a movie, because you know your significant other really wants to see it or eating Ethiopian food even though it tastes like nothing. This is okay, because you can always go have Thai food with your friends and he can always go see Expendables 3 with his friends.
4. You would rather spend the night at your own apartment than go to the trouble of packing an overnight bag to stay at his place...even if it means *yikes* not seeing each other for a night. This might also have something to do with #9...when suddenly spending the night together doesn't necessarily mean you're going to have sex. Pack a freaking overnight bag and not have sex?!? HELL NO.
3. One of you (and not to be sexist, but it's generally the female in a relationship) starts letting the crazy emerge. All women know that guys usually freak out at the first sign of "overly emotional," so we make our best effort to keep our insecurities and panic attacks at bay during those first blissful twelve months (I think I only made it to seven months). We try to be the cool girlfriend that lets everything roll off her back. But that girl is just an illusion. When she's finally gone, you will most likely see us cry a few times in one week. Our pain is usually caused by one of two things: Something you did to us OR because we have nothing to wear.
2. Every so often, you break plans with each other at the last minute to hang out with your friends. I remember the first time this happened with the life partner and I. It was the first time I knew we were officially out of the honeymoon phase. Quick anecdote: we were just a month shy of the one year mark. It was a Friday night and we'd made a date night for dinner and a movie. He called me at work late in the afternoon to ask if he could break our date to go to Pechanga (a casino on an Indian Reservation in Temecula) with his guy friends for the night to gamble. I was so confused. First of all, he would have NEVER done this before. I definitely let the crazy out. I told him I was really pissed that he was going to flake last minute, but now I didn't want to hang out with him anyway so he should go. He said he wasn't going to go anymore. I told him to go, when what I really meant was: you better not fucking go! I called him a few hours later and he was on the road to Pechanga and I was like WTF?! To make matters worse, he totally pocket dialed me that night. When my phone rang, I thought it was him calling to apologize, but instead I heard him and all the dudes laughing at a black jack table. Honeymoon phase = OVER!
1.You both start becoming way more bearable to be around, because you've finally mellowed out in public. You're not constantly whispering into each others ears when you're out with a group of friends or making out when you think no one is looking or leaving parties early to go have sex. Or telling all your friends how in love you are and how perfect your relationship is. I mean, there's nothing worse than having issues in your own relationship and having to listen to your friend explain how well things are going with them and their significant other. I'm not gonna lie, it's a huge relief when six months later, that same person finally admits they have problems too. So, I know you might be sad that your honeymoon period is over. But take some comfort in the fact that everyone around you is thrilled.