Thursday, June 27, 2013

No, thank you, but I don't feel like being open to love right now.

You know you've been single for far too long when you become immediately suspicious of any man who is steadily employed.

Let's just say it's been awhile since I've been in a serious relationship. The last time I was "In a Relationship" on Facebook was when the series finale of "Lost" aired. Three years later,  I now refer to single men as "THE OTHERS". They are way out on the other side of the island and my survival instincts are kicking in and telling me to avoid them at all cost.

I'm not saying I'm bitter or necessarily jaded (okay, that's a half-lie), but I just no longer care anymore. I've morphed into a dodo - I'm extincting myself out because I stopped having sex. That's right, I'm BLOWING OFF the idea of love. I'm a loveless-extinct-ground-pigeon.

At some point, it all gets to you. It's just exhausting trolling OKCupid, going to bars, dressing up, forcing your "flirt" on, competing with other single women, hell, even the act of putting pants on sounds like a terrible idea. Because nothing ever happens. Sure, sure, "love will come when you least expect it" or "you need to put yourself out there more". Please. I've had more fun with a night in with a bottle of Charles Shaw and "House of Cards" than I did the past several years of trying to meet guys.

The act of dating itself is routine, boring and honestly, requires a lot of work. You constantly have to talk about the same subjects: childhood, family, career, hopes, dreams, etc. Then you have to do it again and again and again until you don't have to anymore. Yeezus, enough is enough.

I've reached a point now that when girlfriends talk to me about their most recent date, I start channeling the Janis Ian inside of me:

The upside to being single for so long is that you become incredibly comfortable in your own skin, you also value your freedom more and yeah, as cliched as it is, you have time to figure out who you are. Independence is a beautiful thing, don't let your "recently watched on Netflix" section throw you off. (I still attest that I was tricked into watching "Hemlock Grove"). It's a skill being able to master the art of being single (not to mention the art of the selfie for your OKCupid profile pictures). There are a lot of people who are just downright terrible at being alone - they always need to be in a relationship. Don't be that person.

Sometimes I walk out my apartment door with no make-up on (sorry, world) and when I have girls' night out with my friends, I actually have girls' night out - not fake girls' night out where we all pretend to be having fun while drinking our watered down bitch drinks while secretly looking for a guy to hook-up with. Because I know intrinsically, that no fucks are given. If it happens, it happens. If not whatever, a 4 a.m. burrito awaits me instead of a cuddle session.

If it helps, Jay-Z pursued Beyonce for years - but she held her ground. She said she wouldn't know who she was until she was 26 and then she'll decide if she wanted to really be Mrs. Carter. She said that she wanted to find herself first before making a one life stand commitment. Basically, Beyonce grabbed her ovaries and became the woman that she is today.

For now, being single is part of my identity, I'm not ready to share my twin-sized bed with anyone, let alone walk down the aisle anytime soon. Until I am ready to put down the cheesy sticks from Domino's and can answer Eva Longoria's question, "Are you ready for love?" with a resounding "Yes!" - watching shitty T.V. and attempting to become a full-fledged adult sounds pretty okay to me.  


  1. Such a great post! Honestly, I can't believe it only took beyonce till age twenty-six to find out who she was, but then again, she's super female human. I totally went through stretches of time where I was not into dating at all. It's emotionally exhausting. You will not end up like a dodo bird, but no sense in forcing it or not focusing on yourself. I highly recommend watching Friday Night Lights instead of going out.

  2. One of my girlfriends called me today and asked if I wrote this...after reading it, I realized, I am not ok with being labeled as someone who is so against love, men, coming home to someone everyday, and all that a relationships imply...Thank you whoever you are for helping me see the error of my own ways!!

    1. That is kind of amazing. Now i want to know who you are, anonymous. You should write about your quest to be less cynical.

    2. Wow - I'm really curious too! I need to learn how to be less cynical, you should definitely shed some light on the subject. Glad I could help!

  3. Is this a follow up to the post a few weeks back from Tiffany in SF? I think you ladies should have fun being you and not worry about finding a man or putting yourself out there all the time. Why do you HAVE to have someone to be someone? Does society say so or have we all set ourselves to some great height that is unreasonable and should be a case per case situation?! I wish we could all connect for coffee or a much preferred cocktail. Its amazing how much we all have in common.

    1. This is actually not a follow up post. I think the point you make anonymous is exactly what carolyn is saying in this post. I wish we could connect for coffee or cocktails too, maybe we'll need to a blow off mixer some time!