Tuesday, July 23, 2013

an interview with a guy I kinda sorta had a thing for.

Meet Evan.
Welcome to our newest column: An Interview with a Guy I Kinda Sorta Had a Thing For.  Our first male participant is my friend Evan who I had a crush on back in 2004 in New York City.  It didn't work out for various reasons (he kissed my sister) BUT we're now FB friends and he's always been a big supporter of the blog.  I always knew he was funny, but I didn't know he was so wise.  Check out my interview with him below.  I bet you'll learn a thing or two....

What is your current relationship status?
I live with my lovely girlfriend of close to 4 years, Michelle. We've been living together about 2.5 years, and 2 years in this same apt in Williamsburg Brooklyn.

What is one relationship mistake you won't make again?
I dated two girls previously for 4 years a piece, and in the end I broke up with them, but just because I could tell they had fallen out of love with me (a lot of times, girls will still just stay with a guy for an indefinite period of time after that's happened) The reason they both had fallen out of love with me I believe was that I wasn't really moving forward in my life (AKA: I was broke and not making much more money anytime soon, but also just not showing that drive that seems to really turn women on). Unfortunately, some of that falling out of love I guess had to do with some of my shit not being cute anymore. Not too much I can do about that.

Internet porn: yay or nay?
What am I, made of stone? Do you know what they have on there?

Cheating.  Forgivable or unforgivable?
I've never found out I was cheated on, so I can't say I really know how it FEELS. I think I'd be pragmatic about it for the most part, especially cause I did my fair share back in the day. If Michelle ever did, I think the situation would really dictate the forgiveability (new word!) Like, if she was drunk at a party and made out with Ryan Gosling in a stairwell for a couple minutes, I might actually be like "Fuck yeah *high five*" but if it was with a guy at her work she's been slowly developing feelings for and they went out for drinks and "she never meant for anything to happen but-" then it's not so much that I'd be furious, but it would start to look like things had run their course.

What scares you most about settling down?
What freaks me out about settling down would be the possibility of unsettling down later. Like I said before, me and these other two girlfriends were in love, and then I realized we weren't anymore and there was no going back, so that freaks me out.

Favorite celebrity couple? 
Well, I was always hoping to one day be invited to a dinner party at Will Arnett and Amy Poehler's, and I'd just sit there and watch them never stop being amazing for 4 courses and after dinner drinks, butttttt, apparently that's not happening, though I'll still TOTALLY go to Poehler and Nick Kroll's, which might be even more amazing and less theater nerdy. But I think my favorite couple is Paul Thomas Anderson and Maya Rudolph. PTA is my favorite director of all time, and Maya is amazing and just keeps pumping out kids for him. I actually never even hear them mention each other or see them together, so maybe he's just renting her out as a baby-maker of slightly brownish children, but I love them both. Also, Kanye and the wife he'll have after Kim. That chick is gonna be some kind of bad ass.

What is the secret to making your relationship work?
I really never get upset or pouty or whine for more than a couple minutes about anything, cause there's barely anything out there worth ruining your day over. Say "That sucked. I didn't like that. I feel blah blah blah" give her a kiss, say you love her and she looks pretty that day (and mean it) and go back to having fun with the person you love. Also, listening. Duh.

What do I think my gf would say is the best thing about me?
That ^^^ I think (see above answer)? Or that I'm 6'4"?

According to Maureen Dowd, men hate it when women are sarcastic.  Where do you stand on the sarcasm spectrum? 
As far as what Maureen Dowd thinks, I very rarely am into what "most guys" are into, cause I'm secure in my masculinity and intelligence and perception by other people. I like bad ass girls with short hair who are quick and will bust my balls with the best of them. Sarcasm is great (though I'm not a fan of cynicism for the most part).

What advice would you give to single women (and men) who are looking to be in a relationship?
My advice for single women and men who want to be in a relationship is be undeniable.  Be someone who is so much fun and so interesting that when that person is thinking who they want to spend their limited amount of free time with, you're the obvious answer. Be that for a lot of people, both friends and romantic interests. Fill your life with interesting people and activities. Also, hitting the gym steady never hurts.

What could all women learn from your girlfriend?
This is the toughest question. I think I'd say it's realize you're a team, this is the person you're telling everyone you've chosen to be with, so the better he looks, the better you look. I can't stand girls who act like their boyfriend is soooo dumb, or soooo lame. It's like, Bitch, that's YOUR boy. I didn't pick him for you. If he sucks, it's probably cause you attract sucky people cause you suck. Michelle's always got my back, and we're always looking out for each other, and as a result, there's so much love and things run smoothly.

If you guys have ex-flings you want to interview for the BLOW OFF, email us at theblowoffwtf@gmail.com.  My old flames are few and far between and I'm not sure many of them are as brave as Evan. 


  1. thanks for being a sport and doing this, Evan. I really like your response to the last question. I think maybe we should start an advice column on the blow off called Ask Evan.

  2. I'll totally do Ask Evan.

  3. So I just found this blog and I've spent the past hour and a half reading all the posts (hey, I have tomorrow off...) and I must say, this was a great one. I especially like the answer to the last question as well. I'm always at work and I hear the women bitching about their husbands/ boyfriends while everyone else sits there and nod their heads or chime in with their own stories ("oh yeah? you wouldn't BELIEVE what Joe did last night!") I just sit there awkwardly in the corner, while I really just want to tell them to shut up already. You married them. Or if you're still just dating and they really are so awful, just bail!
    You really summed it up with "Michelle's got my back and we look out for each other." Even if your significant other pisses you off and you got in a huge fight, save that rant for your best friend and don't even think about telling anyone else.