Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Getting Over It & the BLOW OFF

Is it just me or is heartbreak everywhere lately? There is seriously something in the air and it’s not love particles. Being in the midst of heartbreak is one of the worst feelings ever. It feels like someone died and in a way someone did. You are losing someone you really care about it. In some cases it’s almost more excruciating, because that person has chosen not to be in your life.

I remember my first heartbreak. Truth be told, I’m pretty sure the whole experience scarred me for life and I was only thirteen. When I met Hale, it was literally love at first sight. This boy consumed my middle school existence. He loves me, he loves me not. That went on for three freaking years. I suffered through his numerous girlfriends. I suffered through being best friends with him and always wanting more. I suffered through him finally liking me and then dumping me for another girl. I remember listening to Boyz II Men’s Water Runs Dry so many times that the cassette tape (yeah I said cassette tape) literally combusted. Even a gazillion years later, I still remember the pain and the tears. It sucked.

Freshman year of college, I met Mitch. The first night we spent together was one of the most magical nights of my life. We literally stayed up all night talking about anything and everything. That night led to many plans for Valentine’s Day, formals and trips back and forth from Boston to Rhode Island (he went to school there). Gradually, I felt Mitch pulling away. I held on for as long as was physically possible until I just couldn’t take it anymore. Mitch told me that the distance was too hard and with all of his school work, he just didn’t have time for a relationship. Even before the book He’s Just Not That Into You came out, I knew the deal. People make time for what they want to make time for. I was devastated and masochistic. I listened to his radio show every week, checked his AIM away messages daily (think Facebook status’s for instant messenger) and when he got a new girlfriend, who according to one status “made the world go round,” I felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  It sucked.

I reconnected with Grant at a horrible time in my life. He was off fighting in the war and I was stuck in Baltimore in a dead end job and living with my parents. Grant and I talked online everyday. I told him EVERYTHING about myself and I felt like we developed this amazing connection. I couldn’t wait until he came home. I honestly thought this guy was going to be the one. I should also mention he was super hot. Well, long story short, I ended up crying outside of a bar by myself on New Year’s Eve. I definitely chalk that experience up to really bad timing. We were both train wrecks, he had just gotten back from the freaking war and I was miserable in my life and not where I wanted to be. We both needed someone or something to hold on to, but he let go much more quickly. The aftermath of that situation was one of the worst things I’ve ever gone through. I think it was partly because I had nothing else going on in my life and was already so unhappy. Still, it was partly because I thought I was in love with him. I remember my friend (who happens to be a therapist), told me to focus on things I loved. So I focused on taking bubble baths and crying. It realllly sucked.

Although I remember how I felt, it seems so long ago. It’s kind of like when you have the flu. You remember how bad you felt, but not really. When you are in the midst of the flu, you are like "if I just get better" I will appreciate every day I’m healthy. And for a few days you do, but then you forget and go about your merry life. The feelings I had for all of these guys were very real, but time gives you perspective and you realize why things didn’t work out. Of course if someone had told me that then, I would have been all “you’re crazy, I’ll never be over him!”  Mitch even came crawling back (he flew to LA to see me), but of course it was too late. Guys really do have a radar detector to let them know when you’re totally over it.

The point of these stories is that you do get over it. Eventually, even the most painful wounds will heal. It helps if you meet someone else, but generally it really does take time. Which is annoying.
My heart was recently broken again and though I’ve been moving on, he still has a piece of my heart. Maybe he always will. Maybe all of these guys do to some extent. Fortunately, the majority of my heart is still available for me to give to the right person. And I have hope. Because if I got over a broken heart once (or twice, or three times), I can do it again! So can you. Even though we can’t fast forward to a time when it no longer hurts, or delete all the memories that will haunt us for a while, we can try to be happy because we deserve it. We can learn from mistakes and experiences and realize that everything really does happen for a reason.

So in the wise words of Leona Lewis:
“Even though I really love you, I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to. It will all get better in time.”       
                  
To read more of Sammi's writing, check out her book So Many Frogs Not Enough Prozac.

3 comments:

  1. I love this post so much. what helped you get over all the guys? Time? meeting someone else? Lots of booze and meaningless sex? Do tell.

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  2. Good post.
    For a french girl like me, I survived heartbreak with lot of cheese, wine and girlfriend.
    It is comfort food as mush as ice cream to me.
    I have one extra special item for the very bad break-up (the ones where you want to stay in your bed crying). It is made by my mother wince I am a kid (when i was younger it was the special dessert when I was sick).

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  3. Aw thank you! I'd have to say all of the above haha. Though mostly time. I've never been lucky enough to meet someone substantial quickly after a break up (though that might be a good thing cause I may not have been ready for him). Booze and meaningless sex were temporary fixes (and in some cases made me feel worse blah). The highly annoying thing is that while time has healed my wounds, it really did take time.

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