Monday, July 22, 2013

The BLOW OFF Commandments

How you handle a break-up can haunt you for the rest of your days. Do you want him to remember you as a crazy mess or as the girl who went out with dignity and moved on to bigger and better? More importantly, don’t you want to feel good about yourself? When your heart gets shattered, the world seems empty and life doesn’t seem fair. What he wants and how he feels is totally out of your control. All you can control is YOU. So vow to be the best you that you can be during this sucky time.  Here's how:

#1 Thou Shall Mourn
You have to let yourself feel the pain and loss. It’s OK to rely on your friends during this difficult period and talk things out repeatedly. Drink some wine, cry your eyes out, eat some ice cream, listen to sad songs and do all the things we are entitled to do when we’ve had our hearts ripped to shreds. Give yourself a week to be a miserable mess, but remember…everything in moderation.

#2 Thou Shall Not Contact
This is probably the hardest part, but it’s the most crucial. My yoga friend told me that it takes 40 days to start a new habit so try going 40 days without any contact. No calls, texts and I don’t want you to like his Facebook status even if it says he rescued 10 puppies. I know you miss him and there are so many things you want to tell him. I know everything reminds you of him, even things that shouldn’t remind you of him like…oranges. I know you crave him like a drug and are going through a serious withdrawal. Still, as any recovering addict will tell you, just one small taste can set you back.

#3 Thou Shall Not Facebook Stalk
His status is not going to say he’s missing you. There’s not going to be a sad quote or song lyric. Chances are the only things you will find on his Facebook page are things that will hurt you. It’s not going to do you any good to see new girls commenting on his page and pictures of him out and about. Ignorance is bliss in this case, trust me. Remove him from your feed, take him off your chat list and if you really can’t control yourself, block him. It may seem extreme, but it’s for your sanity and your sanity is much more important than what he thinks.

#4 Thou Shall Fake It Til You Make It
You’ve taken time to mourn. You’ve allowed yourself an entire week of tears and cabernet. You’ve talked about him ad nauseam with everyone you’ve ever met and analyzed every single detail. You never wanted to move on so why are you being forced to? Even if you just want to crawl into bed and never emerge (I have been there), he doesn’t deserve that kind of power and you deserve to be happy. So put on your favorite dress, pamper yourself and step out into the sunshine. Stop talking about him (there is nothing left to say). Pretend like you are having fun even when you’re not. Eventually, you will actually start to have fun. I promise.

#5 Thou Shall Move On
It really sucks when you thought you found the one. You’ve invested time and emotion into this person and you thought maybe, just maybe, you were out of the trenches for good. You were happy and then the rug was pulled out from underneath you and you’re forced to start over. The worst part is there’s no guarantee that the next guy will be it or that you won’t have to get your heart broken five more times before you find the one. It’s easy to just give up. The one thing I do know is that you won’t find someone if you don’t put yourself out there and keep trying. So go on dates, keep your heart open and never give up on finding what you want and what you deserve.


  1. And of course my final commandment is buy my book please, perfect to help you get through a break up

  2. I could have really used these commandments in my twenties. This is such a great post. Love all these suggestions. I think i need to apply them to career blow offs too.

  3. Aw thank u! It's hard out there and def hard to even take my own advice sometimes. But i once heard that you wouldn't go back to a job you got fired from or focus all your time and energy on one job that rejected you. Same is def true for relationships!

  4. I think these are worthy rules when it comes to relationships that have perhaps been on the shorter side. But for longer relationships, well ... I don't know if a week of mourning is gonna cut it. For example, I am currently dealing with a very good friend whose relationship of two decades just ended. She is devastated -- and she's got a hell of a lot more mourning in her than a week can cover. I'm not sure what to do for her and she really does need to move on. But, man ... it's pretty tough. Easier said than done to say the least.

    1. I am sorry to hear about your friend. That sounds absolutely heartbreaking. I didn't mean take just one week to be sad, it will certainly take some time to heal. You can't put any time limit on that. But NO guy is worth staying in bed, crying over and putting off your life for. I have a friend who just got out of a 6 year relationship and she made the conscious decision that she gave up enough of her time and would like to focus her energy on finding something that will work out. I have another friend who was with a guy for a year and is absolutely devastated. Everyone handles things differently and there is no right or wrong way. Breakups feel like death. And yes, all of these commandments are MUCH easier said than done. The sucky thing about breakups is they reallly do just take time to get over, there is no easy fix. If there was we would all know about it. But i do recommend "It's called a breakup because it's broken" and celeste and jesse forever to help in the meantime.

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