Monday, August 19, 2013

I'm Turning 30: The 2 Month Countdown

I admit it.  I've been scouring the internet for all of the propaganda articles and lists about turning thirty.  Things like "Thirty Things I wish I knew Before I Was 30," "Thirty Things I accomplished By 30,""Thirty Lessons You NEED To Know By 30," "How To Turn 30 Without Slitting Your Wrists." Okay, the last one was a joke.  Kind of.  God I really hope there isn't an article out there somewhere with that actual title.

Of course the thing these lists do is confirm and instill my paranoia. I haven't been hot air ballooning, I even let my Groupon for paddle surfing lessons expire, and I certainly haven't become a CEO or gotten a 401K.  Anyway, everyone keeps telling me that I'm overreacting about turning thirty.  It "isn't what it used to be."  It's the new twenty after all, right?

Not so.  As fate would have it, today I got a letter from my health insurance provider informing me that my monthly premium will be raised $44/month starting in November for no reason other than my age.  $44/month?!?!? I already pay an arm and a leg and now they basically want me to sell my eggs- if they are still any good at this point, to cover the increase.  If any of you are in LA and reading this and happen to be talent or lit agents or managers can you please help me sell something or get me an audition for the next "Friends" so I can qualify for WGA or SAG insurance?  Yes I'm pandering, but thank you in advance.

So while thirty is culturally being hailed as the beginning of the rest of your life, Blue Shield of California is getting the first nail for my coffin ready, and with my premium increase I can't even afford Grey Goose to dull the pain.  It will be more like Popov.

Today I also came across an article a friend had posted on Facebook that was written by the actress Olivia Wilde for Glamour magazine on her "do's and don'ts" advice for women turning thirty.  You can read it yourself here.  I'm going to start off by saying WTF qualifies Olivia Wilde to be imparting this kind of advice?  She's engaged to Jason Sudeikis (after being divorced from an Italian PRINCE), has a blossoming acting career (I don't know how, but that is an entirely different post), and most likely has very little to no financial concerns.  So when she advises women to book a last-minute trip to Morocco with their friends, she clearly doesn't realize that we have health insurance that is draining our bank accounts in addition to paying rent and Visa wanting money at the end of every month.  She also tells us not to freak out because we meet people our age that have accomplished more than we have.  Well honey, you're in like the 1% of the population that has "made it" in the entertainment industry so I'm sure that's easy for you to say.  Full disclosure: I interned with Olivia for one day back in 2004 and am possibly bitter that she pretty much effortlessly was thrown into this career.

Anyway, the only thing that I can tell from all of the advice that I've been reading is that it's all kind of bullshit.  Whether it be from actresses or bloggers (myself included) we just have to ignore it and take our own path.  We can't follow other people's journey and trying to makes me feel worse about myself.

I'm hoping that in thirty days I'll start to get my happy on about my birthday.  On a side note, I think I'm going to have a Bret Easton Ellis inspired party.  Think Less Than Zero more than American Psycho, with a little bit of The Canyons maybe thrown in there.  Might as well celebrate the excess and ridiculousness of the LA lifestyle, because after thirty, this won't be cute anymore...and lord only knows what a hospital visit will cost me at that point.


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