Thursday, August 8, 2013

Stop being polite and start BLOWING OFF

Never in my life have I been a rude person.  I've made it a habit to consider how everyone else feels before myself since the womb. In fact, it's been such a problem, that I've often gotten physically sick before I'd stop putting other people's emotional needs before my own.

Last night however, was a first for me.  I went on a blind date with a man from Tinder only to discover my worst nightmare. He not only didn't appear as the man he was projecting in his photos, but he had a pretty severe stutter, disgusting breath, and a disturbing laugh to the point that I started worrying I was having a drink with a serial killer.

I tried to make pleasant conversation with this man for a while, wondering how long I would have to play nice before I could get up and leave.  I imagined different scenarios of breaking the news to him that I was not interested and fantasized that I could find a way to leave before he finished his beer. I considered going to the bathroom first, so at least I'd already be on my feet when I said goodbye, and was feeling very sorry for myself when something inside finally snapped. Suddenly I heard an inner voice saying, "This is not a cruel joke from the universe trying to tell you that this person is your true 'law of attraction' match. This is a test of your ability to put your own feelings ahead of someone else's and do what's best for you, even if it hurts his feelings."

I waited patiently until he finished with another Law & Order comparison story (he's a lawyer) and then let him know that I would be going home now. I calmly put my hand on his shoulder, thanked him for the drink and told him that I didn't feel romantically attracted and was tired and ready to go home. The old me was dying for him. Guilt galore. But the new me was proud and liberated and ready to go home and have some dark chocolate from Trader Joe's.

As for Tinder, my inner middle-schooler has loved getting to 'like' all my crushes and wait to see who 'likes' me back...but in terms of dating, I think it might be time to go back to old fashioned public outings to meet men as opposed to cyberspace where we can all project who we wish we were as opposed to who we really are.

3 comments:

  1. I cringed reading this... the awkwardness of this situation is almost unbearable. I stopped using tinder after a similar experience (not as bad as your's though). Most my gf’s just use cliqie.com now. Its similar, but you can find things to do on there and meet up/match with groups so it’s less sketchy and doesn’t suck when your date turns out to be a dud since there’s other people to hang with. Skout is okay too but had my fair share of creepers on there. Good luck!

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  2. This is awful! I think you totally did the right thing by getting out of there. And it's really important to learn to say no to things or take time out for yourself. Plus, i love that you were able to take an uncomfortable situation and see it as a lesson in self-improvement. You should try Grouper, I've heard good things about it:
    https://www.joingrouper.com/

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  3. UGGGGGHHH! This just makes me angry! Why are people OK with lying!? Is that the way they want to start a relationship? Tell me my butt looks small in a dress but don't tell me that you're 6'2" and gorgeous when you're not! I'm not even into 6'2"!!! GAHHHH!! So happy that you took off. It takes practice, so hopefully you're on a roll! LOL. How DARE he waste your time like that! I read about a real estate agent who was doing a bait and switch with listings on Craigslist-he would post doctored photos of an apartment to get people to look and then argued that no one would have even looked at the places if he hadn't been dishonest/misleading. Well, love isn't an apartment. Good for you.

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