Friday, August 30, 2013

the BLOW OFF variety pack: don't date Kim Jong Un & other news

This was a big week in celebrity blow offs. We saw the demise of a couple long-term marriages (long-term by Hollywood standards.)

First, we learned that throat cancer caused by eating poontang pie and Bipolar disorder don't really mix as Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are reportedly separating.  These two have been through a lot and this is kind of sad, but should this also be a lesson when it comes to vast age differences?  Douglas is twenty-five years older than Zeta-Jones.  When they got married in 2000, he was a sexy fifty-five.  Now he's pushing seventy.  And she's only forty-three.  I'm just sayin'...I see a younger man in her future.

Another couple with a huge age difference also announced they were getting divorced this week.   After seventeen years of marriage, Clint Eastwood (83) and Dina (48) are calling it quits.  Apparently, they've been living separately for over a year.  Ladies married to famous guys: beware of when they let you do a terrible reality television show, because apparently that means they are about to divorce your ass (see Camille Grammer).  Dina checked into rehab last April to deal with anxiety and depression issues...which makes me want to turn my house into a halfway home for people going through divorces and break-ups.  Genius, right?  By day, we can do group yoga in the park and by night we can watch episodes of Snapped on Oxygen and plot a way to get rid of your ex.
Just kidding, that's not funny at all BECAUSE Kim Jong Un reportedly had his ex-girlfriend executed.  If this is true, then it's fucking awful and I think officially makes him the worst ex-boyfriend in the entire world.  Apparently, his ex-gf and Korean popstar was part of a group that made and tried to sell a sex tape.  She, along with eleven members of the group (who are all part of the famed Unhasu orchestra) were killed by firing squad in FRONT OF THEIR FAMILIES.  Awful.  I'm sure your ex isn't looking so bad right now.

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