Monday, August 26, 2013

the "why wasn't I good enough?" BLOW OFF

So, I was just fed the "you're really special and I hope you realize that" line tonight. Loosely translated.... I just got dumped. Hard. Well, stick a goddamn fork in me, I suppose I'm done.

I think the initial shock was that it was over a spicy tuna roll in Los Feliz. And honestly, I couldn't even afford the damn roll in the first place, I just thought it'd be a nice date night "thing". Now I don't think I could ever stomach sushi ever again without hearing that line reverberate throughout my Single Girl Mind.
Then came the uncontrollable tsunami of emotions as I realized what was happening. It was World War III. Hell, it was the first ten minutes of "Saving Private Ryan". A literal shitshow. You'd think that after miles and miles of heartbreak you'd still get used to the feeling that you just simply weren't good enough - but damn, it's that final shot through the heart that does you in. I just simply wasn't good enough for someone else. I wasn't their "person" and they couldn't see waking up to me for every immeasurable Sunday morning for the rest of their lives.

It is what it is. And in the end, that's what heartbreak is - unexplainable.

I was given the predictable "there are other fish in the sea" speech from girlfriends and the usual "you're a catch and he's an idiot for not realizing it" after they heard my tearful, hiccupy phone call. But I guess the nagging mediocrity of it all is still an unshakeable palpable feeling. No one really gets closure until someone can cut the bullshit and honestly answer why you weren't good enough. That's when you can really move on - but until then, you're just always left wondering: What's wrong with you? Were you not pretty enough? Smart enough? Clever enough? What the hell was it?

So, I guess what I'm inarticulately trying to get at is: how does one move on? And please, save the "just woman-up and move on" speech. Rejection is subjective and it hits home in the deepest corners and undiscovered alleys that you never knew existed until such occasions unfortunately arise. I probably should at this point know how to take the BLOW OFF  from years of experience, but we all know that at the end of the day, none of us are any wiser. All we can do is try to take it all with a grain of salt, learn from the experience and the tall tales, try to keep trucking along and not deplete whatever is left of our hope at obtaining love. And you dear reader, know what kind of love I'm talking about - the real kind of love... the sweat-pants, streaming-Netflix together, no-make-up kind of love.

When can we finally realize that we're good enough and deserve the love we know we deserve?


  1. I think if you could snap your fingers and let a blow off roll off your back you would not be human (or at least not a loveable one). But as you do gain experience you learn to know THIS feeling will pass. That there is always another guy...that guy may blow you off too, but the anticipation of that, that first kiss with someone new (and that it 100% will happen) helps.

    -Gal in SF

  2. Anonymous1 sounds like a schizophrenic delusional. Perfect night for the Short Stop... I like to bring quick change for the bottom of the 3rd. "Put me in coach" never fails for a girls night breather.

  3. Hi Guys, I had to remove Anonymous 1's post cause it makes no sense and can't have stuff on here that's totally off topic. I want more insight into what this guy is all about before i can really offer substantial advice, but ONTO THE NEXT. It's not that you're not good enough, it's that he's a douche face rat bastard.

  4. Re: you wanting to know why you weren't "good enough" for a particular person, I don't know if you really do. I was once dating a guy who was all about me (I didn't like him at all in the beginning) and later completely blew me off. I'm talking no phone calls, texts, like fell off the face of the Earth.

    I was talking to a friend of mine that's married and kept telling her that I just wanted to know "why" and what she said has always stuck with me. Basically, no you don't. Do you really want to hear that someone didn't find your attractivness up to their standards or that they think you're incredibly dull or vapid or overbearing, etc.

    It's one thing in your head to think that the blow off equates to not being good enough, but really hearing those words out of someone's mouth probably won't do you any good. Would you change who you are for this person? Probably not. And you shouldn't have to for the person that's right for you.

    As for getting over it, the only thing that I've found to get me out of a slump, other than My So-Called Life marathons is having a crush on a new guy. So as much as you wanna stay in your sweats, break out your heels!

  5. So fascinating reading all these comments! I completely get the whole "let things be" philosophy of it all. To delve more into it.... from HIS side of things, he just couldn't commit to a "full-time girlfriend" and he was still possibly in love with his last girlfriend of three years (so really, a lot on HIS end to deal with). I felt that I liked him more than he liked me and wanted to continue trying with him despite the odds. But I think I was fighting a crazy current because I was comparing myself to his ex ... which one should NEVER EVER do, and it's (still) taking me awhile to work through.

    But everyone here is absolutely right.. maybe it's best if the real reason is never revealed, because what is the point? You want to find someone who loves you for YOU and you should never have to answer why you were never good enough in the first place.

    Thank you all for the wonderful insight... time to find myself my Jordan Catalano. Or as I refer to... my "manicorn".

    1. OMG. Manicorn. We need you to do a glossary of a blow off post on that. Genius. Also, I've had multiple experiences with dating guys who are still hung up on their exes. One ended up marrying his. the other one's ex was asian and i could never compete with that.

  6. F him. You'll find one. Took me awhile but I got one, and when you have them they still infuriate you to no end. Can't win.