Thursday, September 5, 2013

the new cheating excuse: "my wife's chill."

I'm chill.  When it comes to things like where to grab drinks or what to cook for dinner or inviting friends over, I'm like totes: I'm cool with anything.  Here are a few things I'm not chill about: where to go on vacation, boarding my dog, my career, and GETTING CHEATED ON.

On that note, let's discuss the trajectory of Robin Thicke this summer, shall we?

Blurred Lines comes out and I'm like"...this song is awesome.  It totally eases the pain of Justin Timberlake's crappy new album. And yeah, the video is totally misogynistic, but I'm not one of those females that's easily offended.  I'm chill.  Plus, Pharrell can do no wrong and Jason Seaver is still one of my favorite TV dads.  I'm just glad 'When I Get You Alone' wasn't a total one hit wonder."

Then like a month goes by and I'm like "...okay, they're kind of playing this song on the radio all the time, but for some reason I just can't get sick of it. AND I will NOT be domesticated."

Then Robin Thicke performs the song on Jimmy Kimmel Live and I'm like "...hmmm, this doesn't sound that good.  Is he nervous?  He's super sweaty.  And is that a beer gut I see?!  Wait, why is Miley Cyrus on stage.  That's random."

Then a few more weeks go by and I'm like"...if I fucking hear this song on the radio again, I'm going to take Ryan Seacrest hostage."

Then the VMA's happen and I'm like "ROBIN THICKE IS A PEDOPHILE AND MILEY CYRUS IS LOLITA."

I was so upset by the performance that as the entire nation waited for the BLOW OFF to declare the song of the summer, we awarded that honor to Daft Punk (b/c like I said, Pharrell can do no wrong.)

And then to add salt to the pedophilia wound, this instagram photo gets released of Robin Thicke's hand up some chick's ass.  She claims they made out and that he told her his wife Paula Patton is "chill" about that stuff and that he also loved the fact that she's so young (because he's a pedophile).  But only in Hollywood is it better for Paula Patton to play it off like "I'm so hot and confident, I'm fine with my husband cheating on me, we enjoy threesomes" VS "I'm SO sad.  How did this become my life?"  I mean, Patton and Thicke have been together since they were teenagers so maybe they have some sort of understanding and if they do-- who am I to judge?  To each his douchey own.  That doesn't mean we won't be taking bets on when these two will file for divorce-- not that I would wish that on anyone (I give it a year.)

2 comments:

  1. "pedophile" you keep using that word, I don't think it means what you think it means.

    c'mon these women know what they're doing.

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  2. oh, i'm sure they do. but it doesn't make it any less gross when you're a man who's into 20 year old girls who happen to look 16. but semantics wise, we can also just call him a dirty old man.

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