Wednesday, October 23, 2013

A window into the male psyche, courtesy of my husband.

Bry (AKA the h-bomb) and I on our honeymoon.  I married well :)
Last weekend, the H Bomb and I went out to dinner to celebrate his brand new job, and we got to talking about the start of our relationship.  During the conversation, he dropped some mad knowledge on why things with me worked out compared to other girls he'd dated.  Obviously, the chemistry was there and I'm hilarious, cute, and charismatic* BUT there was a lot more to it than that. 
*sorry if those adjectives make me sound cocky, but I'm trying to be more confident in my old age. 

Anyway.  I think some of his answers might surprise you.  Keep in mind that when we started dating, he lived in New York and I lived in Los Angeles so we already had geographic distance as a major hurdle.

#1 We never had the talk, and according to him-- if we had, he probably would have stopped seeing me. 

This blew my mind for a variety of reasons.  For starters, the book He's Just Not That Into You has trained us to think that if you have "the talk" with a guy who really likes you-- it'll go great and he'll reassure you and all will be right with the world.  Not according to the H-Bomb.  He said the talk puts way too much pressure on guys-- to the point where it might deter them from women they're actually interested in. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  There are plenty of times in my relationship history where I had "the talk" with guys.  This isn't my way of saying "I'm so cool and secure that I don't need to ask a guy how he feels about me."  But it's true-- at no point in the relationship did I ask him what we were doing, if we were exclusive, if he was looking for something serious, would he ever consider moving to Los Angeles, etc.  I'm not exactly sure why.  I think in the beginning, because we were long distance, I wasn't sure the relationship would amount to much, so I decided to just go with it and enjoy myself.  Then, as time went on and we started planning visits to each other, it became clear that things were taking a more serious turn.  I first knew that he referred to me as his girlfriend when a work colleague (Bry and I worked at the same company at the time, but were keeping our romance on the DL) said he had told her that his girlfriend lived in LA. 

#2 28 is a magic number.
I've mentioned this before, but the H-Bomb has always said that when we met he was READY for a serious relationship.  (In fact, the first time I saw his pricey Williamsburg apartment, he admitted when he rented it he thought his future girlfriend would eventually move in and he'd have someone to split the rent with.)  He had spent his twenties in New York City, had sewn his wild oats, and was open to a new adventure in a different city.  He was also twenty-eight.

Guys, I think 28 is the magic number when it comes to meeting dudes.  My dad also happened to be 28 when he married my mom.  When I pointed this out to Bry, he agreed.  He said that most guys don't start making money till the age of 26, which means for the first time they can really afford to wine and dine the ladies.  So once dating becomes more feasible, they want a couple more years of seeing what's out there before settling down.

#3  In the beginning, there were other girls in the rotation.
My first reaction was WHAT?  But this actually makes sense.  Bry and I had our first romantic liaison in November and didn't see each other for a month.  We knew we liked each other and we emailed/texted all the time, but we weren't exclusive.  We had no other serious hook ups during that time, but we weren't totally closed off to other people.  (in hindsight, I'm glad I made out with a guy at a bar during this time.  It means I had guys in the rotation too.)

Anyway, as Bry explained it to me-- guys generally lay down the groundwork or "plant seeds" with several different women and wait to see what sprouts first or who they end up liking the best.  It's basically survival of the fittest.  Ladies, we should start dating like this too.  As 20LA Wannabe has mentioned, we tend to put all of our dating eggs in one basket while guys are off planting seeds in a variety of pots.  Okay, I'm done with the gardening analogy.

Men, if you're reading this-- do you agree or disagree with any of the above.  And ladies, I hope you found some of this useful.  I'll try to get more windows into the H-Bomb's psyche for the purposes of this blog.  He's truly a fascinating guy.  


  1. It does not hurt that the two of you are perfect for one another.

  2. seriously, the talk again? there could be a whole movie just about the talk vs not having the talk vs a complete relationship of silence. i give up!

  3. you know how oprah would have those weight loss challenges on her show? Maybe we need to have "the talk" challenge-- and challenge our female readers to resist having the talk. And our male readers to not get freaked out by it if it happens.