Thursday, October 24, 2013

John Mayer & Katy Perry: A BLOW OFF analysis

I have a confession to make.  I'm rooting for John Mayer and Katy Perry to make it as a couple.  Why this even ever crossed into my thought process-- I don't know.  I can't help it.  As a child I was diagnosed with popular culture psychorenaneuraltia.  Google it.

Anyway, it's weird.  I've always hated John Mayer.  I know, I know.  He's a very talented musician and plays guitar really well.  But his songs are boring.  And he makes a weird frog face when he sings.  And I never understood why so many women dated him even though he obviously couldn't make a relationship work.  I mean, Jennifer Aniston took him as her date to the Academy Awards.  He had the power to make famous, strong, capable women look like codependent weaklings.  He's dated everyone from Minka Kelly to Jessica Simpson to TAYLOR SWIFT.  We even exiled him to Douche Bag Island awhile back.  

And then there's Katy Perry.  Her songs are catchy as all hell, but she wears a little too much make-up and made friends and family fly all the way to India to attend her wedding to Russell Brand.  Their marriage lasted fourteen months.  When I heard she was dating John Mayer-- I was like, Girl: you be cray cray.  It will never work!  And it didn't, they totally broke up.

But...then they got back together.  And suddenly John Mayer doesn't creep me out quite as much.
And now they say really cute things about each other in interviews.  And he dedicated a song to her at one of his concerts.  And as I type this I'm listening to the song Unconditionally and I'm pretty sure it's about John Mayer and I kind of love it.

Why?  Why do I like them as a couple?  The answer is actually quite simple: they represent the classic female fantasy.  Hear me out. A girl who got dumped by her husband via text message meets a complicated, commitment-phobe, musical genius and falls for him in spite of herself.  They break up, but he realizes that she's the best thing that ever happened to him.  She's better than all the Jennifer Anistons and Jessica Simpsons that came before her.  She makes him want to be a better man.  She saved him.  He gets her back, they sing a duet together, and live happily ever after.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to spend the next hour reading Neitzsche to make up for this post.


  1. I like them as well...I just wish John would get a stylist. He looks like he got dressed in a pirate/J.Crew/hobo closet sometimes.

  2. so true! I wonder if he and johnny depp have the same stylist.

  3. Eww... Zazzle and 2nd hand women's Jordashe is in style? They could be moped buddies.