Thursday, October 3, 2013

public displays & the BLOW OFF

There are two kinds of public displays all couples are guilty of:  #1 Public Displays of Affection and #2 Public Displays of Affliction.  In my not so humble opinion, both are equally bad.  Let's analyze:

#1 Public Displays of Affection:
Here's the thing.  I'm not a fan of public displays of affection.  I'm not talking about holding hands or stealing a kiss or two.  I'm talking about a full on make out session + grinding + whispering a lot to each other. I think it was my single years that really ruined me on the PDA front.  I spent too many times being the girl (AKA third wheel) out with a couple who for some reason decided then was a good time to have an intense, stare-into-each-other's-eyes, kiss and whisper party.
It was SO uncomfortable for me.  And this was before iPhones were invented, so I couldn't even just ignore them and play Words with Friends.  No, I had to like stare at my drink or pretend to read the menu again or look down at my feet while thinking "I am going to be alone forever."  It was a terrible feeling and I never wanted to be the cause of it for anyone else.  

And so, when the H-bomb and I are hanging out with any of our single friends, I prefer not to touch him too much.  I know it sounds extreme, but we can kiss and grab each other's butts in the privacy of our own home.  We don't need to do it in front of other people to prove how in love we are.  And guess where else we don't need to do it?  On Facebook. This is what I call "facebook flaunting" and I like to think that couples who do it are secretly miserable and are trying to prove otherwise.  I mean, WHY would I have to write on his wall to tell him I love him and he's the greatest guy on earth when I can just tell him that to his face or in a text message?  We don't even declare our Facebook love on our wedding anniversary.  I don't need him to tell his Facebook friends he loves me, I just need him to tell me. 

Onto #2.  Public Displays of Affliction.
This is when you fight in public or let your relationship problems come to the surface in front of a third party.  This makes people just as uncomfortable (though I would probably rather watch people fight than make out-- I know that sounds sick, but I find comfort in knowing that we all have problems and no couple is perfect.)  A few weeks ago, the H-bomb and I were guilty of doing this in front of a friend and we were mortified (to be fair, it started with a Breaking Bad debate and I can't be held accountable when it comes to that show.)  But we totally took a page out of Walt and Skyler's book.  Yikes. 

But public displays of affliction don't always occur in the form of a fight.  Sometimes they occur in the form of little asides or passive aggressive jokes.  I've actually noticed they happen a lot when we're out on double dates.  Someone we're hanging out with might make a harmless complaint about their significant other and one of us will jump on the bandwagon to say we can relate and then suddenly we're all comparing notes about the shitty parts of our relationship.  No one is yelling, but everyone is (good-naturedly) pointing fingers or defending themselves.   The H-bomb and I both have a tendency to bring up each other's "quirks" to get confirmation from friends that we're right to be annoyed by them.  But this is a bad habit to get into as well.  At some point, someone is bound to get their feelings hurt.

In the end, I think what we need is more public displays of holding hands.  I'm serious.  Holding hands shows that you're a unit, that you love each other, but not to the point where it makes anyone around you uncomfortable or sad about the state of their love life.  And if you're holding hands while you tease each other about the annoying shit you both do, then somehow it seems less emotionally charged.  Plus, when he makes a comment that goes a little too far, you can always dig your fingernails into his skin to make him stop-- and no one you're with will ever notice!  That is what I all a win-win, folks!

the power of hand-holding.

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