Monday, October 28, 2013

The Ultimate Ex Facebook BLOW OFF

So, it took me a while to appreciate the whole passive aggressive-ness of Facebook. A long while. I have a cousin who worked there and apparently people would come to take a picture on the rug in the front office and there was some loser who did really bad graffiti art on the wall for a lot of equity (said loser is now a rich loser and so much more annoying) and they had snacks that were really cool but all in all, I didn't get it. I barely understood Myspace. Fast forward to the me that I am now and I'm all about the stupid games that I play every day and keeping up with people I haven't cared about for the past 20 years and hoping to get the next level on Bingo Bash without anyone getting tons of notifications.

I do appreciate that I get to see my cousins' and their kids, be they furry or two legged, I know who is eating what, I can ask who has deep knowledge of pillows and take their advice based on how often I see their updates, I can tell my brother I love him without having to actually talk to him, I can force everyone to tell me how adorable my dogs are or I will unfriend them, I can revel in the fact that 'unfriend' is now a word, I can expect everyone of my 'friends' to like my triumphs or make sad faces at my downfalls. I can, I will, I am, I have, I be, I post it.

I'm not the only one to have searched out an ex. Not by a long shot. I'm not original. Not in this. I have searched out more than 1. More than a few. I have made 'friends' with some, almost all actually. There is one that haunts me as someone that cannot be found, but I mostly don't think of him other than once in a while so it isn't an issue and he doesn't count. He doesn't have any bearing on this story, not yet at least. There is one who does though. We were tumultuous. Who am I kidding? All of them have been and/or are, tumultuous that is. I don't have any relationships that weren't in some way or another, who does? We were together for a long time, for me. The sad part is I can't even remember how long. Was it 3 years, 5? Maybe only 2?

We ended the relationship badly but then had a hot, heavy reconciliation and then said our goodbyes. I moved away, had my heart broken, moved back and he was gone but sent me a card telling me he would always be my friend and was sorry that someone had hurt me. He then got cancer. 'Got', like he was looking for it and finally found it and had an 'AHA!' moment. Whatever. He had cancer, I was broken. I missed him, I began the typical what if scenarios and tried to figure out how to make it work even though we had years together that made it clear it would never work. We talked every day through the awkwardness of his sister or parents answering his phone thousands of miles away and making it clear that I had no business calling. Then one day, the phone was silent. For both of us. I hadn't moved on but had just stopped trying and so did he. I didn't think there was anger. I didn't think there was any hate.

Now we move to January of 2012. I had searched for him off and on over the years, on Facebook of course, without finding anything. I wasn't surprised, he was never into email or computers, probably one of the things I found endearing in the beginning. Suddenly, there he was. His whole name, his hometown, his friends that I knew, and one tiny picture. So small it was hard to see but it was clear that it was him, in a bar (the typical place to find him). So I sent him a friend request. I also sent a message saying something along the line of 'Hi, how are things, how is life, etc?'. The same sort of thing all of us have sent to any ex or random friend. I waited. Days passed and I got nothing but the disappointment of not being worthy. I sent another message (oh god, how desperate!) saying that I understood he didn't want to be friends but would he at least tell me why? Again, nothing. Still my 'friend' request waited in his queue. Not rejected outright but not accepted either. A limbo that only Facebook could create.

Then I lost my first baby. My Monkey. (It is a dog and for those of you who don't love dogs or cats and only think real loss can be felt by people who have human children, you have no idea the pain of losing a child too early). I sent him another unanswered message about my pain, my loss. He had lived with Monkey since Monkey was 6 months old. I had thought he'd at least say sorry. Then another message when my old lady, Kaiya, died 4 months later. Nothing. One last message when 5 months after that I lost Echo. Three babies in less than 9 months. I was devastated and was trying to spread my pain out, just a bit, to those who may have had some of the sense of loss I had as they had shared some aspect of those lives. That man said nothing. Still not accepting my friend request. I tucked my tail, patted my bruised ego on the back, and gave up.

Now it is October 9, 2013 and I get a notice on my FB page first thing in the morning that says 'random ex' has accepted your friend request. What? Wh-wh-What? Now? Why? What has changed? Is it that he only just figured out how to use FB? Maybe. Could be. So I went to his page to see all the things that have been locked out from my view all this time. It has a banner at the top that says 'send friend request' if you know him?? I'm confused. Then the light begins to glow, burns, brightens, so bright it hurts. He accepted by accident. Then took me and threw me away.


  1. Ugh, this guy is such a douche bag. I can't believe he didn't respond to your message about the dogs and then accidentally accepted your friend request. but, i love this post. it's so honest and totally captured my love/hate relationship with facebook. I think you should one up him and block him from ever being able to reach out to you.

  2. I can relate! There is nothing worse than someone you once cared about just pretending you do not exist and that your communicatons are not occurring. It is much better to get a big "F you" than to be blatantly ignored. It's such a strange and disconcerting experience. The human brain doesn't process it well. Thus the sometimes "desperate" actions (continuing communication, etc.) that follow. Humans need to be acknowledged. F this guy for not even understanding that. The very least he could have done was asked you to stop the communication so you at least knew he received it. Eh. Screw 'im!