Tuesday, November 5, 2013

my boyfriend's acting weird, what the f%&# should I do?

We all know guys act weird sometimes.  One day they're constantly texting sweet nothings (or pictures of their penis) and the next, we barely hear from them.  They get distant, we go crazy, and everything falls apart.  But it doesn't have to.  If the guy you're dating is currently in the weird zone and you find your relationship suddenly in limbo, then here are some tips on how you can get through this very shitty dating period.
 
10.  Distract yourself with an ex.  I know this sounds like terrible advice, but if your current BF is acting weird and you're a little freaked out that it's the beginning of the end-- then seek male attention elsewhere to help get your mind off it.  You have to choose your ex carefully.  It should be someone you don't have any deep rooted feelings for (AKA not the guy you think about when you hear the Adele song Someone Like You), it should be someone who won't think you're a complete weirdo for getting back in touch, and most importantly, it should be someone that will respond flirtatiously. I do not recommend actually seeing them in person.

9.  I'm a big believer in retail therapy.  Whatever you need to bring yourself some temporarily materialistic happiness: buy it.  A new pair of shoes?  A handbag?  Some earrings?  Treat. Yo. Self.  If material things don't bring you any happiness, then...you are either probably full alien or half-alien, in which case you have bigger problems than a guy who's not texting.

8.  Resist the urge to text or call.  I know it's hard, but if they're thinking about pulling a fade away, then getting bombarded by texts or calls from you is probably only going to make them feel all the more freaked out.  More importantly, if they're not contacting you, then they don't deserve to be contacted by you. 

7.  One free pass does not make you a push over.  I went through a short limbo period with the H-bomb when we were still long distance.  We were consistently in contact and then over a three day period I heard from him less than normal.  I was convinced all was lost and then he resurfaced and mentioned he was sorry he had neglected me for the last few days but things were really crazy or some lame excuse like that.  I didn't let him have it, but I did take note.  I knew I was giving him a free pass this time, but there wouldn't be one the next time around.  The point is, guys sometimes act weird and distant as a test.  If we go nuts, we fail.  If we act like it's no big thing, we pass.

6.  Two free passes does make you a push over.  If a guy makes a habit of disappearing or being inconsistent and we let them off the hook for it every time, then we're at risk at being put in the low self-esteem category.  So per #7-- the first time they do it, pretend like you didn't even notice.  The second time, I think it's totally fair to make some sort of comment-- light-hearted or annoyed, whatever you want.  The third time bodes a "this isn't really going to work out for me" conversation.

5. Hide your phone.  I've done this in the past many times.  When I could feel myself going a little nuts, because I wasn't hearing from the guy I was dating, I would turn off my phone and put it in my linen closet and try to forget about it.  After about an hour, I would get too curious and dig it out BUT at least it gave me a little break from constantly checking it.  If you live with roommates, then ask them to hide your phone for you.  That way, you won't even know where to find it.  Don't do this if you have no access to any other phone lines, because that sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.  Like, a serial killer breaks into your house but you can't call 911 because your friends hid your phone, you don't know where it is, and now you're going to get murdered because that guy you've been dating started acting weird. 

4.  If the whole distracting yourself with an ex-boyfriend doesn't work, then do all the things you haven't had a chance to do because you've been dating someone.  A mani/pedi.  An eyebrow wax.  Cocktails with all those girlfriends you haven't seen in weeks.  A marathon of the Oprah's Next Chapter episodes you've been dying to see.  You can even dust off that old vibrator and take a break from faking it.

3.  Go on a date with another guy.  Obviously, this depends on how serious you are with the current guy, but if getting drinks or dinner with the member of the opposite sex wouldn't be considered cheating, then do it.  Remember how guys have radar and always seem to get in touch when we've moved on with someone else?  Well, maybe we need to start learning to use that radar to our advantage.

2. Ask yourself this: What Would Kate Middleton Do?  When she and Prince William were broken up, she didn't cry about it or beg for him to come back (actually, I have no idea-- she may have done these things) BUT I do know she went out and partied a lot with Pippa and made sure to look really hot when she got photographed.  So, instead of not making any plans on Friday night in case the guy you're dating comes out of his funk and reaches out, go out with your friends, wear something cute, and post pictures on Facebook. 
kate during the break up.
1.  If you've tried all (or a select few) of the above and none of it's working for you, then a little bit of self-pity goes a long way.  Sometimes it's exhausting trying to be strong and cool all the time.  Cry if you need to cry.  Bitch about it to your friends if you need to bitch.  Drink hard alcohol.  Lay in bed and listen to All I Want is You by U2 over and over and over again.  Write in your journal about how everyone always leaves you.  Watch Love Story if only to realize that the quote "love means never having to say you're sorry" is a load of crap.  If he does call, you'll be pleasantly surprised and feel a little silly for getting upset over nothing.  If he never calls, then you've already started the mourning process.  And you're now clear to send him that "you're a dick" text.
                

23 comments:

  1. Wow. This is the probably the worst advice I have ever read. at first I wasn't sure if it was a spoof. I'm still not sure.

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  2. well i thought it was good. so stfu teafortina

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  3. I also though it could work

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  4. my boyfriend keeps acting weird. by that i mean distant, and i dont know what to do about it....hmmmmm....? help anyone?

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    1. Just watch out for certain things good luck

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  5. This seems like pretty good advice ...but like does that mean they out cheating through out the time you guys haven't talked ? Like what is they doing when their not talking to you ?

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  6. Great advice, and funny too!!!

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  7. I think this is a fantastic post and amazing advice! Thanks a ton!

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  8. Hiding the phone is such a great idea !

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  9. I also though this was bad advice. Why would you go see other guys when your boyfriend isn't giving you attention? He's going to be pissed when he finds out.

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  10. Wtf!! This is the the worst advice I have ever read. any dumbass that takes this is obvious the moron psyco girl that no wonder he's hiding from!!! Seriously! If a guy needs some space become a crazy hoe and cheat on him?!!

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    1. She never said cheat on him .she is saying if he blows you off and ignores you ,live your life look hot and do you! If he cared he will text you anyway.usually they will see what they had is moving on, and will want it back.but by then its usually to late.I won't stop living life for someone that doesn't give me the time or day!!!!!!

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  11. This is hilarious, really cheered me up!

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  12. Worst advice ever!

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  13. Sum crazy shit right ther... Fuck me my bf acts distant but wud I fuck ever contact any ex bfs over my dead body lol! It's quite simple if they haven't texted fone them & if they don't answer or get bk 2 u then uv got ur answer right ther.....

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    1. I can't understand a word you just said.

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  14. This was great&made me laugh =-)))

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  15. this is awful advice,

    I'm a 24 year old dude, and if my chick did this under these circumstances, I would LEAVE. if your man is getting distant,
    1: you've let yourself go,
    2: you annoy him, or you are a bore,
    3: he has a side chick, and is cheating,
    4: you are emasculating him.
    5: he isn't sexually satisfied.
    6: you bitch at him

    no girly website will tell you that. but I speak truth. guys are simple.

    look good, be respectful, and support your man, as the MAN in the relationship. you won't have a problem

    the person who wrote this is obviously some stupid fat bitch editor, that hasn't had a man since '89. so ladies, DON'T do any of that if you want to keep your man.

    just sayin

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  16. This is terrible advice. If things are going weird, try COMMUNICATING.

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  17. how do you communicate with someone who's ignoring you? No, I think it's a funny way of seeing things. Right now, I'm so laughing and I wasn't able to laugh like this for the past couple of days because I just started dating someone and he's ignoring me for no reason!

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  18. Genius advice actually, I already started a couple of those on the list (seeing another guy on a date, texting an ex, shopping) planned weekend dates. untill he commits why should i commit to him?

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  19. This is terrible advice. I'm a guy currently dating an amazing girl. She has said I have been acting weird all week and asked if I liked another girl today. Of Course not!!! She said she looked it up and websites stated guys acting like this are into other girls. That is the largest lie I have ever heard. I'm crazy about her. It would make my chest ache for weeks if I knew she went on a date with another guy. Guys are a lot more sensitive than you think. Just saying.

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