Monday, November 25, 2013

the ninja turtle-multiple baby mama BLOW OFF

I met a very handsome gent online. And when I say handsome, I mean model handsome. He was built like a ninja turtle, ripped arms, abs, etc. I just wanted to touch him. Upon the "getting to know you" stage I learned he lived overseas in Italy for two years playing football professionally (he tried out for NFL and he couldn't hack it...kept getting knocked out, didn't know how to train properly, etc. or so he claims.) Anyways, my weakness is athletes (I submitted the pro-athlete BLOW OFF a few months ago) and basically anyone who has the body of a Greek god, or the abs of a washboard. I think it's genetic, I can't shake's what I'm attracted to. Mind you I do not go out seeking professional athletes, they have always sought me out (my dad played in the league, so I am in the circle of trust if you will.)

I shortly discovered Ninja Turtle is divorced and has 4 kids. I am divorced as well, but 4 kids? I have zero kids. Ugh, can I work with this? Two baby-mamas: Baby Mama #1 was his ex-wife, and they have 3 kids together. Baby Mama #2 was his ex-fiancee who cheated on him and wasn't sure who the daddy was...they had to wait until the baby was born to get a paternity ended up being his. We had made plans to meet previously, however the first time we had plans he hit a dog on they way to see me and rushed the dog to the vet...I would have done the same. The second time his car broke down, OK I get that too. At this point I should have cut ties, but that body, that smile...ugh.

We went out a few more times. He always ran late. Not crazy late, but still, late is late. He works a normal 8-5 job, and also owns two gyms and a car delaership (which I now find funny, as his car broke down previously.) Oh and jugging the 4 kids, let's not forget them. So he's busy. I understand busy, and I also understand that when you plan a date with someone it is assumed that you show up on time and if you are running late, you call or even cancel if need be.

We live an hour apart and both in major metropolitan cities. Ninja Turtle wants to come to my city and take me out (as he should...I've never traveled to his city.) I pick a steak restaurant. I love steak and I've always wanted to try this particular restaurant, so I'm really excited for the date. I have my skinny jeans on, a really cute pair of heels, and my hair is I'm feelin' good! About 10 minutes into my drive to the restaurant he calls and says he is going to be late, he's really sorry but got wrapped up in work, he will be there ASAP. No worries, more time for me to drink wine and watch the Miami heat game at the bar...which is precisely what I did when I arrived at the restaurant.

So I finish my first glass of wine and am starving. I decide to order dinner without him. I order my steak and still no Ninja Turtle. At this point I've been at the restaurant for an hour and am becoming frustrated, and slightly buzzed. How dare he run so late? Doesn't he know I look fabulous?! I text him "where are you?" He replies "I should be there in 30 minutes, he had to outsmart his GPS." Really, 30 minutes? WTF was he doing?!?! So basically he's going to show up to our date one and a half hour late AND THINK THAT IS TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE. Not in my book. I tell him don't bother, I've ordered dinner and showing up this late is unacceptable & I deserve better. Then get this: he agrees! He turned around and drove home, but not before sending me four text messages about "how sorry he was, how he really likes me, we had such a connection, if I will just let him explain, etc."

No way Jose, I finished my dinner and texted my hairdresser (who is straight, has a crush on me, and rather handsome) asking him to meet me out for drinks. He met me, we start drinking, go back to his place, continue drinking, and end up making out. Best make out sesh I've had in a while.

Ninja Turtle texts me for two more days, and proceeds to like several of my Instagram pics. I never respond. So here's to you Ninja Turtle, may you one day be fully capable of showing up on time, and finding a woman who will put up with your 4 children and 2 Baby Mamas.

1 comment:

  1. you get ten gold stars for ordering your wine, ordering your steak, and ordering your next make out sesh when this guy didn't show up. Loved your attitude about this whole thing!