And finally, the year before that, my uncle told me that I needed to smile more because guys didn't like unhappy girls. To which I finally snapped and responded with:
Here is a small list to help you survive the holidays this year. And remember dear Singleton, though it may seem bleak at times and profoundly annoying to not get invited to a "couples-only" dinner party that your best friend is throwing because she didn't want an "uneven number", you are not alone.
We are forever alone in this together.
1. A night with the original Singleton herself, Bridget Jones. I don't care how cliched it is, it's a holiday classic for single women everywhere. Bridget Jones is basically my patronus.
2. Wine. So. Much. Wine. I'm no doctor but I swear that the body is made up 50-70% of pinot.
3. A fistful of YA novels. I just rediscovered the joys of YA fiction and let me tell you, kids these days are really clueless about how romance works in the real word - but that's kind of the fun of reading them. For a good cry, The Fault in our Stars works.
4. Please, do not drink and dial after you re-watch this movie/scene:
5. Time to bust out your dusty yoga mat that you got last New Year's Day. You have roughly five weeks left to finally fulfill your New Year's resolution that you never got around to doing. Unleash that burgeoning yoga bitch inside of you.
6. Work on adulting. May I suggest researching about Roth IRAs? And then reward yourself with Googling the One Direction boys after. (Remember to delete your internet history after.)
7. Don't get back with your ex because you're lonely during the holidays. PROMISE ME!
8. The Walking Dead marathon... to counterbalance Bridget Jones and When Harry Met Sally (that I specifically told you to avoid. Don't watch that scene!)
9. Anytime somebody asks you why you're still single, change the subject and talk about your work instead. And for the love of all things unholy, if they ever start singing Beyonce's Single Ladies to your lovely face, you have the universe's permission to punch them.
10. Last Christmas, my Facebook exploded with so many announcements of "so-and-so is now engaged to so-and-so", which made me go:
11. And finally, whatever you do, avoid reading Susan Miller at all cost.
What are your tips on how to survive the holidays this year?
-Liz Lemon out.