Tuesday, December 31, 2013

new year's resolutions for everyone

I'm not very good at keeping up with New Year's resolutions.  I like to make a list every year and then completely disregard it a couple weeks later.  The biggest thing I'm going to try to work on this year is not saying the word "like" so much.  And perhaps limiting the number of times I say totally and totes per conversation.  I also really have to work on the up-talk.  I'm thirty-three and I still speak the same way I did in high school.  But that's boring and applies to no one but myself.  Here are some relationship resolutions that might make us all a little happier in the new year:

10.  Call your parents more.  If you're lucky enough to have your mom and dad in your life, then check in on them more often and remember to tell them you love them.  One day you might not have that luxury anymore.

9.  Don't sit in judgment of your friends.  They're old enough to make their own decisions and date who they want to date.  It's a waste of energy and time to tell them how we feel about their life choices.  Speaking from experience on this one. (You guys convinced me of this in your comments for this post.)

8. Speaking of friends, maybe consider losing the ones that add more strife to your life than good.  You know-- the ones you dread spending time with, but for whatever reason still feel obligated to make plans with.  Friendships are complicated and messy, but they shouldn't be stressful and anxiety-inducing.

7.  Make the clean break with that ex you can't get over.  Ask yourself if the only reason you're keeping them in your life is because you still have hope you'll get back together.  If the answer is yes, then you'll save yourself a lot of hurt and confusion if you cease contact now. 

6. Speaking of exes, just because you're the one that did the dumping doesn't mean you're responsible for their well-being in the aftermath of the break-up.  If trying to maintain a friendship just makes you feel guilty and suffocated, then it's okay to walk away completely.  And it'll be better for them in the long run.

5. Go out on a date with one person that doesn't fit the bill of most men or women you date.  You might be surprised.  A lot of the major things I've ended up with in life-- from my significant other* to the city I live in to my wedding dress-- weren't exactly what I had in mind. (*Before Bry, I dated a lot of weepy hipster types).

4. Get a dog.  Seriously.  They are a lot of work, but they will teach you patience and will give you more love than you could ever imagine.  And they are a great way to meet hot new potential love interests.

3. If you're at that place in life where you want to settle down, but know that the person you're dating isn't the one-- perhaps this is the year to end it.  The longer you wait, the harder it will be.  Or the bigger chance you'll end up settling and divorced in your 40s.

2. Love the one you're with and be nice to them.  Avoid criticizing them-- especially in front of other people.  In the words of our resident male advice columnist: "Realize you're a team, this is the person you're telling everyone you've chosen to be with, so the better he looks, the better you look".

1.  Be nice to yourself.  We have a tendency to be our own worst critics and to beat ourselves up about everything.  If that guy didn't call you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.  If you blew up at your sig-other, then it doesn't mean you're a psycho-bitch.  We all screw up and make mistakes, but we'll just make ourselves crazier dwelling in the negativity.

Okay, guys.  I think I officially earned my Oprah badge for this post.  You can also just scratch all of the above and replace it with more sex in 2014.  Or come up with some catchy slogan for the year-- something like "More peen in 2014!"  Anyway.  I hope you all have a fantastic NYE.  Remember, it's probably the second worst holiday after Valentine's Day and the year can only get better from here.


  1. Right, yes Sri. You make it sound so easy and guilt free.

  2. I think we should make "More Peen in 2014" tank tops for our upcoming Merch Section. They could be annual, as the years progress...