Tuesday, December 10, 2013

to cry or not to cry?

I'm a cry-er.  I cry at commercials.  I cry in most movies.  I've cried at work. I've cried myself to sleep.  I've cried in my sleep.  I've cried in my car.  I've cried in the shower.  I've cried at weddings.  And funerals.  I've even maybe cried during sex.  I cried when I sprained my ankle.  Back when the Oprah Winfrey Show was still on, I cried during every episode.

But I HATE to cry in front of dudes.  In fact, unless I've completely blocked it out-- I'm pretty sure I've only cried in front of two guys I've dated.  The first was my high school boyfriend-- I was too young and impressionable to know any better.  The second is my now husband and sometimes I admit I do it as a diversionary tactic during fights.

I was discussing the "crying dilemma" with a girlfriend while we were at a bar past 10pm last Friday night-- I know, SHOCKING-- the topic was prompted by an epic BLOW OFF story a guy shared with us (I'm making him write about it for all of you).  Anyway, my friend admitted to me that she's never cried in front of any boyfriend.  Even a guy that she dated for quite some time.  That my lady-friends, is what I call impressive.  This doesn't mean she's never cried over a guy-- she just managed to wait until they left before she balled her eyes out.

So why are some of us so averse to shedding tears in front of men?   It's not just because they are usually clueless when faced with a crying woman, but more because it makes us feel far too vulnerable.  And maybe even too emotionally unstable.  It's comforting to look back on a relationship that didn't work out and know that A) you never told the guy you loved him B) you never introduced him to your parents and C) you never cried in front of him.

But for all of us that avoid crying in front of guys, there are some of us that divulge a little too soon.  I know it might be controversial, but I think as a rule, it's best to keep tears out of a relationship during the first six months.  Not just because it scares guys off, but because some of us thrive a little too much on being consoled and comforted.  Remember in that episode of The Bachelorette when Brooks left Des and she would not stop crying and he was acting super-concerned and sweet to her?  I think it was sort of a vicious cycle.  She cried, he was sweet, so she cried some more.

Where do you guys stand on the crying & dating front?  Does it mean you've found someone you feel safe & comfortable with or is there a time and a place for everything?  Comment below.


  1. Post-college Claire usually tries to be dating a guy for a few months before she cries.

    But seriously, I try to hold off on crying in front of a guy for a few months unless it's getting teary-eyed about a movie or something. I mean, I'm not a robot. However, when the relationship is serious, sometimes the guy's reaction to your genuine tears is a good indication of what kind of boyfriend he'll be.

  2. "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!"

  3. Mrs. K-sky cried on our second date. Her great-aunt was dying. I was like, "Okay, this is how it's going to be."

  4. I cried one month in with my now husband. I woke up at 3 am with the worst flu I'd ever had up to that point. He drove me to the ER and sat with me until my mom could get there. I'd say it worked out. :)

    1. maybe crying early on is actually the answer?!