Wednesday, December 11, 2013

the kind of girl you marry & the BLOW OFF

We all know "the kind of girl you marry" girl.  Some of us ARE her.  Some of us USED TO BE her.  And it sucks.  Why?  Because she ends up spending most of her life single. 

Allow me to break it down for you:

Women in this category are Smart. Funny.  Attractive, but not "I'll be worried my entire life she's going to leave me" attractive.  Their style is where understated and feminine meets sexy. They call men out on their bullshit.  Which makes them different from other girls.  They're independent and know what they want out of life.  When you ask them where they want to go for dinner, they rarely respond with "I don't know, wherever you want to go."

In short, they scare the shit out of dudes which is why guys inevitably panic a couple months into the relationship (if they actually let things go that far).

When they decide to break up with marry-girl, they might even say-- if only we'd met five years from now.  Then things would be different. 

Post break-up, after they go back to the kind of women they don't have to feel guilty about casually fucking, they realize they've made a huge mistake.  They come back crawling, but marry-girl has way too much pride and self-esteem to take them back.  And then guess what happens?

Dude marries the next girl he meets; thus, giving marry-girl a lifetime complex.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the girl you marry ends up spending a good chunk of her life single. 

Think about it.  It's hard enough to meet a guy in the first place, but when you're in the "marry" category you also need to find a guy who's ready to settle down (even if that's not at all what you're looking for).  That eliminates men who just want to hook up + men who want a girlfriend, but not the girlfriend.  Which basically decreases the dating pool by 95%.

This is a real epidemic.  Most of the women I know who are single definitely fit in the "girl you marry" category.  And if you ask any former marry-girl who managed to get lucky on the timing front, I'm willing to bet before she met her husband, her romantic history probably consisted of one long term relationship from high school, followed by a string of relationships that lasted about three to six months.  OR a 5+ year long termer in her twenties that ended when the guy panicked as their thirties approached.

So what are all the awesome girls in the "girl you marry" category supposed to do?   Write posts for this blog, obvi.  And date older men.


  1. As a 25 year old marry-girl who exactly fits your relationship history description- here here! The men from my last three relationships are now dating women who will likely become their wives and here I am, making the switch to older men. It feel great. You hit the nail on the head Saara.

  2. Heh, 3 out of the 4 girls I've dated went and married the very next boyfriend. Don't know about the last one quite yet. FML.


    I want to get this tattooed on my body. I'm thinking as like a side piece? I figure that since I'm never having sex again, it'll be good to have a reminder as to why.

  4. Story of my life. Thank you for always being so spot on.

  5. If one more guy tells me he wishes he met me 5 years from now I will stab him. Then I will have to write my blow offs from jail.

  6. Yes, we all know that the only reason men walk away from women is because of their "fears"... It's established science. All the notions that they're tired of your BS, or not wanting to make a legal commitment of that magnitude at that time, or with you for reasons that might actually have to do with you are bunk. Men, as we know, are robots without the capacity for independent thought, and women are all victims of their rapacious adherence to their ingrained wet-ware impulses.

    There could certainly be NO overestimation of one's suitability for marriage. Nope.

    Well done, well done

  7. I'm not saying men walk away from ALL women because of their fears. And maybe fear isn't the best word. I'm saying they walk away from SOME women, because they're not ready for that magnitude of seriousness in a relationship. The exact point of this post is what you wrote "not wanting to make a legal commitment of that magnitude at that time". Also, wtf is "rapacious adherence to their ingrained wet-ware impulses"

    also, interesting comment from someone who's divorced.

  8. Not sure what being divorced has to do with my point... which is, men are people, the way women are people. They don't bail on relationships because they fear the KIND of woman they're with, which seems to be the implication here (scare the shit out of)... They bail because it's not what they're looking for at that time, exactly the same as the gals who date 'bad-boy' types instead of the grounded, relationship-minded "good-guys" during their 20's. I rather doubt the stable ones are "scaring the shit" out of these ladies.. more likely they're less interested in something grounded and "normal" at that stage.

    Spending time being single is exactly what your 20's should be about anyways... Most people barely have a clue who they really are until they're closing in on 30 (and trust me, been there, thought I knew it myself in my 20's and in retrospect, didn't). That's when you find yourself before you look to settle-down.

    The only issue I really take here is the somewhat self-serving suppositions being made about men-in-general, the "soundness" for marriage of the women being talked about, etc.

    Seriousness is like respect. It's earned. Not everyone is deserving of everyone else's "seriousness" in relationships, that's just life. Bemoaning it as an "epidemic" seems a tad melodramatic

    1. anonymous, you actually make some really good points. Sorry to get catty earlier, I thought you were someone else but you sound too rational and logical to be that person. OR maybe you are the person I thought but have become way more rational and logical. Either way, it's a win-wiin. Thanks for your feedback!

    2. De nada. Doubt I'm who you originally thought, this is the first time I've commented on these blogs. Kinda spooky about the divorce thing, but then I guess the odds were 60% in your favour there..;)

    3. Women dont want to hear the truth. These women are the same ones who also COMPLAIN guys wont commit to them. GUYS DO COMMIT. They JUST DONT WANT TO COMMIT TO "YOU". Women want what they cant have. If women look themselves at the mirror, they will realize that they are afraid of commitment to begin with. Why would you go for a guy who doesnt want to commit to you rather than going for guys that want to commit to you. He may date you for a while , breakup and marry the next girl within 6 months. Y? because he doesnt see as the one to commit to. If women stop wasting their time and chose men who commit to them this wouldnt happen.

  9. This is why women have to be willing to marry guys that don't have the "spark".

    The old adage that it's better for you to marry someone who loves you more than you love incredibly true for WOMEN, while not exactly heartening in the dating process.

    If a man feels like he got his dream girl odds are he will be happy and faithful for the rest of his life. He will alway work to please you. Pleasers aren't exactly sexy when you're dating, or even the first year or two of marriage. You may be wondering if you should've held out for the impossible Mr. Darcy who is both a bad boy and a nice guy. But trust me, that duality is impossible to keep up, and eventually the bad boy takes over and moves on from you.

    I'm married to a guy (7 years now) who thinks I am utterly amazing. He's not perfect but he pretty much lives to make my life better. When we were dating I thought he was nice but a little beneath me. The typical complaints arose in my mind: he wasn't super hot, sort of timid around girls, didn't have the best career potential. Now when I look back at our wedding pictures I realize he was actually the more attractive one. And although I still have a more ambitious drive, I hate the daily work grind and keep job-hopping, while his consistency resulted in a stable career. He wants kids. He finally got over his timidity and sex is all I could ever want it to be, though now my sex drive is pretty low and it's nice to have a guy who is okay just cuddling 9/10 times. He will spend all of his money on me if I let him, to the point that I have to monitor what I ask for because he will go into debt to provide things that I want on a whim.

    I have a dream marriage. At the time that he proposed to me, I wanted to say no. I thought that I should be completely excited and have every fiber of my being saying yes. Fortunately my brain took over and said, this is what you need even if you don't feel it yet.

    I look across the fence and see my friends who married the spark getting divorced, being cheated on, or cheating themselves out of unhappiness. These people married the Mr. Darcy. I married the guy who was good on paper--and guess what, he actually is.