Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Dear ex-boyfriends: we're over you.

Allow me to enlighten you on one big difference between men and women post break-ups.  (Disclaimer: yes, this might be a mass generalization but it does ring true in many cases)...

...women tend to think their exes get over them immediately after the break-up.  We assume they rarely- if ever- think about us, that they've probably already put ten more notches in their belt, that they think we did them a big fat favor by breaking up with them.  Of course we hope the opposite is true, but that voice we can't turn off inside our heads is the one that tells us they never really cared about us in the first place.  And when it comes to years after the break-up, we wonder if they even remember we dated in the first place. on the other hand tend to think their exes never truly get over them.  The trail of broken hearts they have left in their wake are still wounded.  Even if we've moved on, dated other people, married other people-- there's still a deep-seeded hurt over the break-up.  If we run into them on the street, we'll be overcome with butterflies.  If we find out they're dating someone else, there's a 99% chance we will try to slit our wrists in the bathtub.  If they reach out to hang out with us and we turn them down, it's because we're still bitter, angry, and resentful.  It couldn't possibly mean that our time is valuable and we're just not interested.

I had the ex-boyfriend who stayed friends with me after the break-up, but conveniently forgot to tell me he had a new girlfriend for over a year.  Even when I'd asked him if he was seeing anybody.  (This was pre-Facebook guys, so I couldn't just discover it over the internet).  Eventually, he said he was afraid I would be hurt if he told me the truth.  So, instead he just made me feel like a complete jack-ass for a year. 

Another ex-hook up tried to get back into my pants about three years after our last romantic interlude.  When I turned him down, he said it was obvious I was still bitter about the way things had ended between us.  Say what?  Are dudes really that confident that they assume when we reject them, it means we secretly are in love with them and don't want to get hurt again? I wasn't bitter at all.  There was just another peen out there I was more interested in having near my vagina.

Guys.  I know it might bruise your egos to hear this, but sometimes when a woman you used to date or hook up with doesn't seem all that keen on hanging out again, it's not because she's scared she'll get hurt again.  Trust me.  If she was still into you, she'd be all: I'd love to catch up!  The truth is, she doesn't want to hang out or hook up because she rarely ever thinks about you, has already put ten more notches in her belt, and thinks you did her a big fat favor by breaking up with her in the first place. Or I'm completely wrong and she's still in love with you.

Saaara out.

1 comment:

  1. I'm a man and relate entirely to your paragraph about women rather than the one about men. And I'm straight! Now I'm confused.