Wednesday, March 12, 2014

emotional stability & the BLOW OFF

Have we all recovered from the Bachelor finale yet?  I still can't stop thinking about it.  As ridiculous as the whole thing was-- it did bring about a ton of different relationship issues.  Like...can a relationship work when one person says they're in love and the other person doesn't?  And is it true that all married people do is just sit on the couch and watch TV together (yes, it's true). I also came across this tweet from Tracy McMillan (Remember, the lady who wrote the book on Why You're Not Married...Yet?)  and it kind of got under my skin:

Let me preface this by saying in no way do I think a woman that willingly goes on a reality TV dating show is "normal" BUT since the comparison between the two contestants was made in the tweet, I thought it was worthy of analysis.

If Nikki is much more emotionally stable, then one would infer that Clare is emotionally unstable.  To me, that's a term we've been using a little loosely these days.  And somehow we never feel the need to apply it to men.  Which is weird, because do you know who I thought was emotionally unstable on the show?  Juan Pablo.

I'll be the first to admit that Clare came with a layer of cray-cray.  She definitely seemed intense, over-eager, and slightly desperate BUT I actually don't think that makes her emotionally unstable.  When Juan Pablo made her feel like shit for their wet-hump session in the ocean, Clare cried.  Personally, I think when a man calls you a ho on national television, balling your eyes out is a perfectly healthy reaction.  Later, Clare called him out on his bullshit.  She did the same thing when he apparently told her he loved fucking her. Shouldn't being able to tell a man that he did something wrong be a sign of emotional maturity?  Clare's biggest mistake was that she forgave him too quickly, but that's just a sign of stupidity.

When Juan Pablo dumped Clare at the end, she got really fucking angry and let him know it.  So...did that make her emotionally unstable?  That just seems like such a double standard to me.  Women get angry and sometimes we express it-- but that doesn't make us insane.  We have been trained to think that any time we react to something, we're over-reacting.  We're being crazy.  We're not playing it cool.

I recently read this book called The Group about a bunch of Vassar graduates in the 1930s.  After one of the women rightly suspects that her husband cheated on her, he has her committed to a mental institution.  That's what happened to women back then who expressed their emotions-- they got sent away.  If the H-bomb and I lived in the thirties, chances are I'd have been shipped to the mental ward a few times by now. 

Don't get me wrong-- the point of this post isn't a defense of a bachelor contestant-- but I interpreted the tweet to mean: if you show your negative emotions, you'll get dumped.  If you don't, then you'll land a boyfriend.  But that's a terrible thing to ingrain in women.  We get upset.  We might even cry or yell or slam doors.  But that doesn't mean we're unstable or unlovable.  It just means we're human.*

*Except Sharleen.  I'm still convinced she's an alien. 


  1. Nikki is almost a decade younger then Claire. I was a lot more ok w bs at 24 then I was at 34.

  2. SUCH a good point! I wonder what the average age of the women who win the bachelor is. I bet it's like 25 at the oldest.