Monday, March 24, 2014

the friend request & the BLOW OFF

I don't think my ex-bf of many many years ago (nearly ten to be exact) expected that a friend request on Facebook would mean getting a blog post written about him, but that's the risk you run these days when you get back in touch with an old girlfriend.  You never know if the person you used to date now makes a hobby of shamelessly sharing her break up stories on the internet.

At first, when I saw the friend request-- it actually took me a second to register the name.  We dated for six months in my early twenties.  We didn't go to college or high school together.  We have no mutual friends, so he wasn't one of those people whose name I still heard all the time in various circles.  Also, I saw the friend request on my phone so the profile picture was small and hard to make out.  After about four seconds, I realized who it was.

This guy (click to read about him).  This guy who had BLOWN me OFF on social networking sites throughout the years.  Turns out, the friend request is the modern day version of running into your ex when you least expect it.  Per the last blog post I wrote about him, I can't remember if I ever did send that friendly Facebook message and if I ever got a response...

...So what was a girl to do?  Accept the friend request?  Ignore it and resist the urge to look through his profile and see if he's now married with children?  I'm way too curious to summon up that much will power.  And even though it's been years and I'm married now, I still had that voice inside my head that said "don't accept the friend request right away.  That would look too eager."  It's so ridiculous that we still worry about these things with old boyfriends even after we've completely moved on.

After waiting for at least a few hours, I accepted the friend request and the stalking on his profile page commenced.  If my internet detective skills are as strong as they used to be, then he's still single and living in New York.  He's also a lot cuter than I gave him credit for.  And he looks happy. There are loving messages from friends written on his wall.  It seems like he's in some sort of an improv group.  His profile pictures are goofy and funny.  He might still live in the same apartment.  And he still wears that shirt.

I always sort of treated the relationship as one of my easy break ups.  That guy I liked but knew there was no long term potential, so I was relieved when we ended it.  But looking back, there was more to it than that.  He was actually my first real adult relationship.  It may have been brief but he was the  only guy post college and before Bryon that I dated long enough to call my boyfriend.  We went on real dates.  My sister had him over for dinner.  I met his parents.  We celebrated Valentine's Day together.  We'd spend the night at each other's apartments.  We had sex regularly.  That was a big deal for twenty-three year old me.

Thirty-three year old me enjoyed indulging in a little bit of internet stalking (what?  He literally asked for it by friend requesting me) and I sort of expected to get some sort of "how have you been" message along with it-- but that didn't happen.  But I'm sure he did his fair share of profile stalking as well.  For once, I can genuinely say this about an ex: I'm glad he's happy.  But at the first sign of a wedding or baby pics, I'm hiding him from my newsfeed.

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