Tuesday, March 18, 2014

the real housewives & the BLOW OFF

I know we're all still sad that the Bachelor is over, but luckily we've got the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion Special to fill the void for the next three weeks.  Last night was the first part of the three part finale and sadly, it was a little tame.  BUT there were still a lot of BLOW OFFS to discuss.   Here are just some of the highlights:

Calabasas & the BLOW OFF
The most shocking accusation from this episode was when Brandi Glanville said that Lisa Vanderpump once lived in Calabasas.  Well, I never.  Lisa was quick to correct her by saying that she and Ken merely owned property in the valley.  Could you imagine Lisa getting relegated to a new installment of the franchise called Real Housewives of the Valley? Oh hell no.  Seriously though, I'm insulted on behalf of everyone that lives in Calabasas.  My Uncle lives in an awesome McMansion in the 'Sas and even though it takes forever to get there on the 101, it's close to the 'Bu, has many stunning gated communities, and is also home to the Kardashians.  Triple win.

the dream team & the BLOW OFF
Cliques within cliques give me traumatic stress disorder and that's why I'm not Team Dream Team.  It also might be because Kyle Richards is my favorite housewife.  You guys-- she has gorgeous hair and rocked that eggplant colored Herve Leger dress. Plus, she seems the most rational of the bunch.  Even the way Brandi and Yolanda justify their clique is bitchy.  Brandi basically told Kyle that they don't have an alliance, they just like each other more than they like her.  Leave Kyle alone, guys!  And seriously, why would anyone have Carlton as a member of their dream team?!?  I just find her to be the most confident ugly person I have ever seen on television.  Am I crazy or does she have no idea that she's physically freaky looking?  She should cast a spell to make herself prettier.  (I will say she looked less offensive than usual on the reunion special).

The stupidest conflicts ever & the BLOW OFF
Here are a few things that were so ridiculously stupid on the show-- they have no business taking up screen time on the reunion special.  #1 The whole "hair flip" drama between Joyce and Vanderpump.  This was perhaps the silliest argument I've seen on RHOBH and is something I like to call "the rookie maneuver".  This occurs with new cast members who are desperate to have their contracts renewed, which means trying to create as much conflict for themselves as possible (remember Cindy and the infamous case of the missing hangers on RHONY?)  Joyce stirred up shit for no reason by lashing out at Lisa for being rude to her by flipping her hair.  It's honestly not even worth explaining.  #2 Yolanda getting all up and arms about Lisa flaking on her last minute to paint a picture for Gigi.  A couple of thoughts.  I really hope Yolanda's other daughter is in therapy, because she's clearly not her mother's favorite child.  Also, if flaking last minute via text meant someone wasn't my "real friend" then I have no "real friends" because everyone I know has at one time or another flaked last minute via text.  It's our God given right.

Brandi VS Hoy-ce & the BLOW OFF
Here's what I hate about the reunion specials.  Most of the arguments aren't about anything we've seen on the show-- they're about shit the ladies tweet about each other or write in their blogs.  Seriously, who has time to read any of their blogs?  I consider myself a devotee of RHOBH and I've never read a single blog entry from any of the cast members.  Anyway, apparently Brandi said some shit about Joyce settling by marrying an ugly guy because she wanted to get famous.  Guys, I'm actually team Joyce on this one because-- A. if we're on the topic of ugly husbands, then you have to throw Carlton's husband in the mix and B. believe it or not-- Michael used to be kind of hot.  It's not like Joyce can defend herself by saying "he wasn't fat when I married him." Here's an old picture of him.:
Miscellaneous thoughts:
Kim Richards.  Two words: never change.

Had this reunion special aired closer to when it was taped, Brandi's "Sochi's calling" insult about Joyce's outfit would have been a lot funnier.  Now it just feels super dated. 

Least improved looking housewife: Brandi Glanville.  Seriously, what did she do to her face?  Did she get cheek implants?  Is it too much botox?  Is she auditioning for the role of Cat Woman?  She used to be so pretty.  It makes me so sad.  I don't, however, believe she's a racist.

Most improved looking housewife: Yolanda, hands down.  Loving the new haircut.

Um, how did the comment about Brandi's tampon string hanging out get brushed to the wayside?

Anyway, can't wait till we finally get to the part when Ken tells Brandi they'll never be close to her again and she cries and says she loves him.  I'm guessing they're saving that gem till part three.


  1. I agree. I'm a huge fan and I was annoyed by this reunion. Re: Brandi's face in her defense she admitted she's gone overboard with the fillers this year. To me her offense is her awful, ratty extensions. I just want to tweet her my girl's # to get that shit fixed.

    I feel like everyone was being so ridiculous and that there wasn't that much drama and they had to manufacture all of this petty drama.

  2. OMG I wish we were friends in real life (totes mean that in non-creepy way). I have these convos in my head b/c lots of my gfs aren't into this show. (fair enough I don't watch the bachelor). I agree though Brandi was always batshit, but so pretty. Nice body and face. And now I can't figure out what she's done to her face. She's 40 not 60, slow your roll lady. Yolanda, whatever she is doing is great, b/c it looks so flawless and natural.

    1. I want to be your friend in real life too!!!

  3. Ugh I love this show so much! I find myself hating Brandi more and more every year and have even come to justify the fact that her ex-hot-husband left her for Leanne Rhimes. I will always be #teamkyle. Her eyes, her hair, her cute family = love her. And thank the little baby Jesus Yolanda got rid of her horrid extensions! Girlfriend looks WAY better with the new hair! Carlton is so gross, inside and out! Why does she think she's so sexy? And why does Brandi?! So glad to see Joyce's husband was actually attractive at one point because I was so confused as to why she thought he was so hot.

    1. Does anyone else think the way the Brandi/Lisa drama is playing out is very similar to Bethenny and Jill Zarin on RHONY? Does that mean it's all fake???

    2. Yes. Ugh it's like the standard handbook for every RH franchise now. Add Nene and Kiml, Vicky and Tamara...it's so old. Anon from above.

  4. Saara -- of course it's all fake! Or at least, it's very scripted/edited/manipulated. The RHONY franchise exists to perpetuate the myth that women are a bunch of crazy, shrieking bitches who can't get along with each other for more than five minutes. For that reason, while I can understand why some find it entertaining, I think it's pretty reprehensible.

    In the meantime, I'd love an update on your own TV-writing (or anything-writing) career. I'm a writer/editor about to go freelance and I'd be very interested in hearing how your "full-time job blow off" is going these days!

  5. I should have said the "RH" franchise. I guess, as a New Yorker, it was "RHONY" I thought of first.