Monday, April 28, 2014

A sign of the dating apocalypse: George Clooney is engaged.

George Clooney got engaged over the weekend.  Yes, the quintessential toxic bachelor of our generation who swore he would never get married again did in fact put a ring on it. And as a woman-- while I do feel it's kind of ridiculous to make a big deal out of this-- I also think it's kind of awesome.  Allow me to explain.  Warning: there is going to be a ton of analysis below that is based on absolutely nothing except for my own ridiculous assumptions.  Please read anyway.

So for starters, I've never subscribed to the whole "he's single, because he's gay" rhetoric.  And I'm sure many people will claim getting a fiancee is just another beard.  I'm so confused by this theory.  Most closeted gay men in Hollywood actually get married right away and start families (ahem, Travolta).  Clooney's been single, because the man get more pussy than a gynecologist. 

For the last however many years, we've watched him go through a string of relationships that seem to come with a two year expiration date.  Spanning the last decade there was Krista Allen (actress), Lisa Snowdon (model), Sarah Larson (cocktail waitress from Las Vegas), Elisabetta Cannalis (model), and Stacy Keibler (former professional wrestler). 

I'm sure all of these women at one time or another received a disclaimer before they started dating George. It probably went something like this: we might date for the rest of our lives, but we'll never get married.  And I'm sure they all thought "it'll be different with me."  I sort of imagine most of their break ups occurred when each girlfriend pressed the commitment issue and Clooney was all like "I told you when we started this thing, I will NEVER marry you."  (Okay, it's also possible that say Clooney really wanted to marry a Sarah Larson or an Elisabetta Cannalis and they were like "no thanks, I don't want to settle down" but for the purposes of this analysis, let's just assume that's not the case.) 

And then Clooney started dating Amal Alamuddin.  And within SIX MONTHS he nailed it down and proposed.  While Alamuddin is as stunning as all of his other girlfriends, there's one major difference about her.  Well, a few.  She's extremely well-educated and a very successful lawyer.  Girlfriend represents Julian Assange. She was born in the middle east.  She graduated from Oxford and NYU law.  She worked for Sonya Sotomayor.  She speaks three languages.  Let's just say we won't see her on Dancing with the Stars anytime soon. 

As far as I'm concerned, this is a win for smart women everywhere.  Maybe it's cheesy to think about it in these terms, but then again Clooney is probably the most influential movie star of our time.  Getting engaged to Alamuddin sends a message that you have to be more than just a pretty face for a person to want to spend the rest of their life with you.  The only thing that would make this any cooler was if she was 46 instead of 36 (but then again, thank God she's not 26). 

I also have to wonder if out of all of the women Clooney's dated, Alamuddin was the least interested in getting married. Think about it.  She has so many other things going on in her life that finding a man wasn't the end all/be all for her.  Side note, it also brings me great joy that she's a brunette.  Sorry, it does.  (Blonds can have the fun label.  I'll take interesting over fun any day.)

So who knows if this will last.  But it does cheer me up when during the same weekend we heard the disgusting racist diatribes of the owner of The Clippers.  While I give his girlfriend some credit for arguing with him-- she also said "I'm sorry honey" one too many times because-- yeah, he's a racist but he's a rich racist.  But that is an entirely different post all together.


  1. Your analysis is spot on. That's exactly what went through my mind when I found out he's engaged to a successful lawyer. Brains and beauty beats out runway model beauty any day.

  2. I totally agree ... I've always thought that George Clooney has a certain level of wisdom/class that separates him from the majority of other actors (even despite his previous dating choices). His decision to marry a classy, educated, and sophisticated woman like Amal is further support of my assumption. Good for him.

  3. It also proves the best and worst things about dating/relationships. It's ALL about timing.