Monday, April 14, 2014

Cyberstalking: the smart way VS the stupid way

EVERYONE stalks the other sex online. Whether you Google the name of a prospective date, check someone's Facebook relationship status or go through their Instagram feed to see what they're up to and who they're up to it with. In this day and age stalking is normal. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to someone and they bring something up from my Facebook or Instagram. Usually they're at least a little tipsy so they don't realize they're blowing their cover, but it always registers in my head and reassures me that it's not only girls who fixate over someone they're attracted to.

But there is a smart way to stalk and a stupid way to stalk. When you are trying to be stealthy stalking your crush, you obviously shouldn't like or comment on any of their social media posts. You also shouldn't get your friends to friend them instead of you, because say you do start dating at some point-- it will more likely than not come out or be obvious that your friend was acting on your behalf. And you definitely should NOT stalk someone on a site where you know that the other person can see who's looked at their page, like on LinkedIn.

Recently, I told an ex that I didn't want him in my life after he resurfaced after six months (with a girlfriend) and tried to get me to hang out as friends. He texted me at 1am, which I don't think is friendly or appropriate but that's besides the point. After I told him that I didn't want to maintain any sort of relationship, because I don't want anyone in my life who would treat me that poorly, I thought that was that. But yesterday I got my weekly email from LinkedIn showing me who's been looking at my profile recently and he was one of them. First of all, what kind of information can one really garner from LinkedIn that they couldn't procure from Facebook or Instagram?  None. So here are the two scenarios:

1) He doesn't realize that LinkedIn sends its users these kinds of emails- which I find hard to believe given the fact that he uses the site and is intelligent and successful (despite my gripes about him I can't take that away from him).

2) He wanted me to know that he was looking at my profile.

I happened to mention it to a male friend of mine and he said, "He's either really smart or really stupid." To be honest, I wasn't excited to see that he clearly was still thinking of me. I was annoyed. If you wanted to be a part of my life so badly that you want to look at LinkedIn to see what I'm up to, maybe you shouldn't have discarded me and treated me like crap. If he thought that it would make me soften, he was wrong. Now I'm even more perturbed and though my stance on not having any contact with him was firm before, it's even firmer now.

So, there you have it. Smart stalking vs stupid stalking. Before you stalk, be very honest with yourself about what kind of relationship you and this person have (if any) and what their response to your actions could possibly be. And really, just stay away from LinkedIn. It's for business/networking anyway. It's not OK Cupid.

What are your best online stalking tips?


  1. I've found myself in a very similar situation recently. I had an on and off thing with a guy for about five years. I met him when I was 19 and it was never very serious, just a cat and mouse game. Anyway, he's engaged to someone else, and has been for quite some time. Ever since the New Year, he's been contacting me on and off trying to get me to hang out with him as friends, and I've repeatedly said no. I'm recently in a relationship with someone else and not only did he "like" my relationship status update when it was posted on Facebook, but he's also proceeded to "like" statuses and photos that my sister has posted recently. Like he's obviously trying to get my attention, but it's just maddening. I'm sure his fiancee would NOT be happy to hear that he was doing this! Everything you said in this post is accurate. If you're going to stalk someone, you can't engage with them in any way. Stay strong. This guy clearly regrets how he treated you and now he ONLY wants you because he can't have you. End of story.

  2. Well, I think linkedin offers a lot more than facebook and Instagram if stalking someone you don't know at all ;)! So my suggestion for you is to change your linkedin settings that it won't show you who is checking your profile! In return, you can totally stalk people without them finding out. :))