Thursday, April 17, 2014

multiple boyfriends & the BLOW OFF

Last week, we tackled the issue of open relationships and how (IMHO) they don't usually work.  But what about the notion of having multiple boyfriends?  I was reading an interview with Cameron Diaz (stay with me) and she was explaining that she has multiple girlfriends in her life that all fit different parts of her personality SO why not treat romantic relationships the same way?  Here's the quote from Diaz that actually made sense to me:

"For some reason, we get into relationships and we expect one man to understand 'all' the parts of us and meet all of those needs. I think that's where everything fails."

This is SO true.  I don't know that men necessarily have the same expectations from their partner, but I think women tend to fall to pieces when their significant others fall short in certain arenas of their life.  There are many ways the H-bomb and I are compatible, but I thought I'd indulge the idea of adding a few boyfriends to the mix to make his life are my choices:
Let's talk about three act structure, baby.
My writer boyfriend.  Let me preface this by saying that the H-bomb is a devoted BLOW OFF reader, but he doesn't have time to read all of my other writing endeavors.  Here's where JGL would come in.  Our dates would consist of hole in the wall cafes where we would read each other's screenplays and novels and wax poetic about catharsis and character arcs.  Also, he would totally read to me all the time.
no clue who this guy is, but great costume
My Halloween boyfriend.  This guy would just be around once a year so we could do an oh-so adorable couple's Halloween costume together.
My rapper boyfriend.  I pick Kanye, because he would also pick out what I should wear everyday and he could get me front row seats at all the good fashion shows.  He would also drop my name in all of his rhymes and would wax poetic...about my ass.
#1 girl crush
My girlfriend boyfriend.  JLo is my number one girl crush.  I wouldn't even really need to have sex with her.  I would just like to watch her get ready every morning with her glam squad.  I feel like she'd be one of those girlfriends who would give really good pep talks and listen to me talk about my problems over and over again.  And she'd know when to be sympathetic and when to give me tough love.  And I'd get to borrow all of her clothes.
We're Persian, baby.
My Persian boyfriend.  I would break this guy out for all the crazy, big, obnoxious, loud, family parties. He would also cook me awesome Persian food all the time.
did you guys see him cry on Oprah?!
Oh, and Pharrell would be my miscellaneous boyfriend because WHY THE HELL NOT?  And that hat is everything.

If you guys could have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends who would you add to your dating roster?  Comment below.


  1. Haha! I love this! Cam is so right about having girlfriends that fit different parts of our personalities. I definitely have friends that I keep separate from others just due to their differences, and I wouldn't be sure how to act in front of all of them at once.

  2. I'm most surprised that our opinions on JLo are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

    1. But aren't you also a fan of Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow? I could so do without both of them. I think I'm more mesmerized by Jennifer Lopez's beauty and stage presence more than anything. I know she's probably a huge bitchy diva otherwise.

  3. Yes. You have me pegged on Aniston & Paltrow :) Different strokes for different folks!

  4. I just don't think J to tha LO would let you talk about your problems at ALL. I think it's me, me, me with her and she'd cut you if you tried to talk about yourself.

  5. No, I totally think she's the type that loves to talk about relationship problems. She would probably just apply all of her advice back to her-- like "I went through the exact same thing when Ben and I were engaged" which would be fine, because I would want to know all about that shit.

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  7. Woman crush-Amanda Seyfried. I can't quite put my finger on it. She just seems like she'd be normal and I want to know how her skin is so perfect.

    I'd also want my comedian boyfriend, who would be Seth Rogen, and then my intellectual/bookish boyfriend, who would probably also be JGL. Or James Franco if I didn't know about the recent pedophile antics.

    For pure man candy, I'd go with Bryan Greenberg. He'd also fulfill the Nice Jewish Boy quotient that my Mom wants.


  8. Kate Moss for the woman crush. Maybe some of her coolness would come off on me. Anton Yelchin for the sensitive/romantic, Colin Farrell because I feel like he'd throw me up against a wall, Taylor Kitsch for all around BF and Chris Pine just because.