Tuesday, April 8, 2014

the open relationship & the BLOW OFF

To me, the concept of an open relationship is basically the romantic equivalent of having your cake and eating it too.  You're with someone that you love, but you're still not willing to give up the possibility of other people.  Or you're just not willing to give up on the possibility of sex with other people.  SO, instead of choosing monogamy or the single life, you try to conjure up some sort of happy medium between the two.

Sadly, it NEVER works.  And yes, this is only my opinion, because the closest I've ever been to being in an open relationship was pining after a guy who didn't want to date me exclusively.  But I'm a horrible candidate for this kind of agreement.  The pros of hooking up with other men would never outweigh the cons of imagining my partner with other women.  I'm far too jealous and insecure and curious.  You know that scene in Indecent Proposal where Woody Harrelson demands to know every detail of Demi Moore's night of sex with Robert Redford?  That would be me.  I'd be like "was she better than me" all the freaking time.

I had a friend in college who agreed to have an open relationship, but I don't think it would have been her first choice.  This is what happens a lot of the time.  One person is secretly against the concept, but they're willing to accept it.  She swore to us that she was cool with it and that she found the whole thing sexually liberating, but there were more than a few times she would break down in tears after learning that he couldn't hang out with her because he had plans with another girl.  I remember they also had rules for their O.R.  They had to be honest with each other about all of their hook ups and I weren't allowed to have full on sex with other people.  I do remember that he was allowed to go down on other girls, but she wasn't allowed to go down on other guys because that posed a higher STD risk (in hindsight, this guy was an evil genius).  When she eventually broke that rule, he made her get tested.

The relationship didn't work out, but it also didn't end terribly and they are still friends. 

Another friend of mine had a Breaking the Waves kind of relationship with her old boyfriend.  Remember that Lars Von Trier movie where Emily Watson and Stellan Skarsgard are married, but he gets paralyzed and asks her to have sleep with other men and report back on her sexual exploits?  Well, this was just like that except her boyfriend wasn't a paraplegic.  He was just turned on by the notion of her screwing other guys.  They would literally agree on a mark together, she would seduce that guy, and sometimes unbeknownst to the mark, her boyfriend would be watching them through her bedroom window.  It was all truly demented.  She claimed it was a win-win for her.  She had permission to screw other guys. But I know it bothered her that he enjoyed the idea of her being with other guys instead of being driven mad with jealousy.

I know the idea of an open relationship can sometimes be more achievable with gay couples, but even then, don't you dudes sometimes get your feelings hurt?

Where do you guys stand on the topic of open relationships?  Any success stories?  Comment below! 


  1. Enduring friendships can be interesting, the only success is the future.

  2. I don't think that they can ever truly work, at least not long-term. When you start to develop serious feelings for someone, you're never going to truly be okay with the idea of them seeing or being with anyone else. If things are casual, that's one thing. You might not care. The second you start to fall, you're not going to be okay with it and things get sticky.

  3. I love reading stuff related to the love and relationship, your post is really very well written.Thanks for sharing.