Tuesday, April 1, 2014

To defend or not defend? That is the question.

I hate to write two posts in a row that are inspired by Reality TV shows but I promise this will have a more universal point to it.  Last night the third installment of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills aired and this time some of the husbands joined the ladies.  The Real Husbands of Beverly Hills are proof that women aren't the only dramatic ones, because these dudes entered the fray on several different occasions over the course of the season.  Here's one example:

Michael and Joyce.  Joyce was a new castmember this season and Brandi took an immediate dislike to her.  They got into it at a dinner at Sur and Michael intervened to defend his wife and said some nasty things about Brandi in the process.  All the other ladies were up in arms, because Brandi is all alone and doesn't have a husband to defend her.  Bravo Andy called Michael out on the incident during the reunion special and said that many viewers were angry with the way he treated Brandi.

My response to that is, for reals?  Look, I'm not a fan of the couple, but here's where this post takes on a more universal topic--- Isn't it okay for a guy to defend his wife or girlfriend?  Didn't that used to be chivalrous at one point.  20 LA Wannabe touched on this in her post about Reese Witherspoon's arrest, but I think in that case, she was the one instigating and had her husband sided with her, it could have gotten them both in more trouble.  BUT if for instance I was being berated at a dinner table by another woman and my husband sat next to me and didn't say a word the whole time, I'd be pissed.  I'd fully expect him to defend me.  What difference does it make if the other girl is single or married?  If she's being a raging bitch, then I would hope my significant other would have my back.

Lisa Vanderpump's husband got similar grief from the ladies for intervening on behalf of his wife, but I don't think these men have much choice.  They would look like total dicks on TV if they didn't support their spouses.

But then again what happens when you know your significant other is definitely in the wrong?  Sometimes I think men are expected to support their wives regardless, while women can come off needy and brainwashed if they support their husbands or boyfriends even when they are clearly in the wrong.  I guess it's a balancing act.  My advice would be to make them feel supported, while playing it as neutral as possible.  And then behind closed doors, kindly telling your partner why they may actually be the one who needs to apologize. 

So maybe the US against the WORLD mentality isn't always the healthiest way to exist in a relationship, but it does make for great TV.

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