Thursday, May 22, 2014

throw back thursday: excerpts from my diary

my high school bedroom
My parents just moved which meant combing through all of my old boxes they'd been keeping in the garage for the last 10+ years.  Growing up, I kept a journal from the time I was ten until I was about twenty-one.  And then I got too lazy to keep it up-- which is kind of a bummer, cause my twenties were so much juicier than my teen years.

Anyway, combing through my journal from freshman year in high school-- I made a startling discovery: I was a huge dork.  I mean, I always knew I wasn't popular in high school but I thought I was like a quirky inbetweener.  I didn't hang out with the cool kids, but I didn't hang out with the nerds either.  I'm beginning to question all this based on my diary entries.  Here are some priceless excerpts.  Please keep in mind I was fourteen years old. All names have been changed to protect the innocent:

*My thoughts on drugs*

November 3rd 1994

Well, I've decided not to like Nash, so I don't like him.  Today, in music appreciation, Ryan asked me if I'd ever smoked pot and I said "no, I bet I'm the only person in here who hasn't."  So he takes out his bag of pot and asks me if I like the smell and I was saying how I really didn't think it smelled too good.  So he passes it around and everyone says how they think it's the best smell in the world.  I felt like such an idiot.  Shit.  It's 5:51pm and I still haven't started my homework.  Ooooh, the last Real World is on tonight.

(Observations twenty years later: How was it that easy for me to stop liking a guy?  Go me.  I would smoke pot for the first time six months later.  I still don't think it's the best smell in the world.  I'm still obsessed with reality TV.)

*My thoughts on love* 

December 3, 1994

I've decided to stop liking Nash.  It's just a waste of time on my part.  Nothing would ever happen.  It's like every time I walk by him, I have a tinge of hope that maybe this could be it, he might talk to me or bump into me or whatever, but then nothing ever happens.  When he walks by he takes a little piece of my heart with him.  I know it's stupid, but it's the way I feel.  I know inside I really like him, but it's so pointless.  I feel like I think about him all the time and he's never even considered liking me.  Like I'm just another girl in his English class and he is way more to me.

(Observations twenty years later: Okay, so... I guess I didn't get over Nash so easily.  Damn, I was super dramatic-- also, I only vaguely remember this Nash guy.  In the history of my crushes, he was not that high on the list.)
my high school bedroom.  My bestie stole that Brad Pitt cut out from a Tower Records
 *My thoughts on career* 

February 23, 1995

The days have become extremely boring.  But it's all much better than school.  Do I have to go back, because I really don't want to.  School is so boring, repetitive, and uninteresting.  When I'm in school, I feel like the world is passing me by.  I wonder what Brad Pitt is doing at this very second.  I want to be famous.  I just know I'm going to be old, and I'm going to be thinking that all the things I've ever wanted to do or accomplish, I haven't done.  My life is over and I really miss my grandma.

(Observations twenty years later:  I still wonder what Brad Pitt is doing at this very second.  You guys, he could be pooping.  Also, I still totally miss my grandma.)

2 comments:

  1. This is amazing. At 10, I used to journal to the songs on the radio. I once got very introspective during a rendition of "Crazy for this Girl" by Evan and Jaron — so mortifying.

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  2. I really love this. I still have my high school and college journals too, they make for some fun reading whenever i go home

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