Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Tinderella & the BLOW OFF

I hate dating. In a perfect world, I would be grocery shopping and the guy of my dreams would bump his cart into mine and I could be done. Unfortunately, life isn’t really like Sex and the City where you browse for used books on the sidewalk and pick up Will Arnett. Dating is a numbers game. It’s a bit like a thrift store. You may be able to find a hidden gem, but you have to sort through a lot of crap.

I finally gave in to peer pressure and downloaded the Tinder app. At first, I was totally addicted. It’s so easy, you simply swipe right for yes and left for no (but be careful of swiping too quickly because once you swipe left, they are gone forever). The only guys who can communicate with you are guys you are already interested in, which eliminates having to sift through tons of messages from weirdos. PLUS you can see if you have mutual Facebook friends.

My first two Tinder dates were fairly pleasant. Both were gentleman, the conversations flowed and I wasn’t plotting my escape the entire time. Although the sparks weren’t totally flying, I was hopeful that maybe if I kept swiping, I’d find my hidden gem.

I was to meet my third Tinder date at a cute little coffee shop near my apartment. He told me he didn’t like to have first dates at bars. This might be a little alarming, but my first reaction was all “who doesn’t have first dates at bars? Wine please!” Maybe this is why I’m single. A friend pointed out that he was probably just a good guy who actually wanted to get to know me sans alcohol. That thought hadn’t even occurred me, I’d sooner assume he was a recovering alcoholic.

I always arrive to dates early. I’ve decided that from now on, I am going to be late and let them wait for me. That is really here nor there, I’m just saying. I scoped out the scene and it was super crowded so I grabbed a table outside. I texted him to let him know where I was sitting. Time starts ticking and there’s no sign of him. No call. No text. I have so many fears about dating, but getting stood up has actually never been one of them. I seriously thought that only happens in the movies. Twenty minutes later, there was still no peep from my date so I did what any girl would do. I googled how long one should wait in that type of situation. The general consensus was 15-20 minutes so I happily went home, changed into my PJ’s and turned on Real Housewives. I never heard from him and while I didn’t take it personally at all, it was a big reminder of just how much I hate dating.

I would have probably given up on Tinder if it weren’t for the super-hot actor I’d been conversing with. I know what you’re thinking…super-hot actors on Tinder are probably not the best prospects. I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt though because he was just that hot. And then he asked the inevitable Tinder question.

Hot Douchey Actor: So what are you looking for on this thing?

Me: I don’t have too many expectations, but I can tell you that I’m not looking for a random hook up. You?

HDA: Sex. I’m looking for meaningless sex.

OK, he didn’t actually say that. He said “I’m just seeing what’s out there, not looking for anything serious.” So basically the same thing. He then proceeded to delete me.

At this moment, Tinder has lost its luster. I have 93 matches and I don’t want to talk to any of them. Sometimes when I’m bored I’ll take a swipe or two, but pretty sure this Tinderella is retiring her glass slipper. I’d like to believe my prince is still out there and I’ll meet him organically. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some grocery shopping to do.

Have any of you had good luck with Tinder or any online dating sites? Hopeful stories are welcome!

1 comment:

  1. I too succumbed to peer pressure and downloaded Tinder in November. I went out with a total of 4 guys. I've been dating the fourth for a little over 3 months. Where we are in our "relationship" is a whole other story, but I really liked it while I was still on it, for the simple fact there is SO MUCH eye candy. :)