Thursday, May 1, 2014

true tori & the BLOW OFF: episodes 1 and 2

Just when I thought my reality TV watching habits couldn't get more shameful, along came True Tori on Lifetime.  And just like that, I sunk to new lows.  Here's the scoop in case you don't read Us Weekly.   Back in December, they printed a story that Dean McDermott (Tori Spelling's husband) cheated on her during a weekend trip in Toronto with some chick named Emily Goodhand.  Shortly after the story broke, Dean checked himself into a rehabilitation facility and Tori booked her own reality show on Lifetime.  Stars...they're just like us?

There's some debate on whether the entire cheating scandal was made up in order to snag the reality show.  This is definitely a possibility.  Goodhand is apparently hard to find on the internet (though I would probably close my Facebook account too if I was her).  Dean and Tori have been open in the past about having financial issues and reality TV was their bread and butter for awhile.  But I tend to believe that the whole actually did happen.  I just don't know that Dean and Tori are good enough actors to pull this off.  They have to cry a lot.  At times, you can tell they're bringing the intensity for the cameras, but there are other moments where I know Donna Martin can't cry on cue.  So, assuming it's real-- here are my takeaways:

*Tori and Dean's kids are going to be seriously fucked-up.  Their dad cheated on their mom and now there's a show documenting the aftermath. Liam's six years old.  He has his own iPad and is probably old enough to do internet searches.  He's totally going to see this shit.  I sort of wish the show would make Tori address why (ahem, cash money) she thought it was a good idea to expose her kids to the world like this.

*Those annoying paparazzi.  Everywhere Tori goes, there's a shitload of paparazzi following her around.  Okay, come on.  I find it hard to believe that there are more people stalking Tori Spelling and her family then say, Brad and Angelina.  Not to mention, I think Tori would have a nervous breakdown if the paparazzi weren't following her.  One of my FAVORITE moments so far is when Tori's youngest daughter Hattie pukes all over herself in the car (and on Liam's iPad) and Tori stops the car to clean her up.  She yells at the paparazzi to stop taking pictures because her daughter is sick.  Yet it's totally fine to document the entire thing with DV cams and broadcast it on Lifetime. 

*The mysterious case of the missing nannies.  We keep hearing that since Dean left for rehab, Tori is raising all four kids by herself.  We see her frantically getting the kids ready for school and driving them around town...but according to 20 LA Wannabe, she has 3 nannies and a personal assistant.  Did they just not sign the releases?

*Tori isn't totally self-absorbed.  At one point, she's talking to her gay bestie Mehran about the whole cheating scandal and heroically stops talking about herself when she sees a bee on Mehran.  He's allergic to bees.  So, basically-- she saves his life.

*When you want to sound really broken and upset, talk quietly.  Wait a second, is this an episode of Felicity?  Why is Tori whispering all the time?!  Why does everything that come out of her mouth sound so breathy?  We keep hearing how Tori keeps everything inside and is really bad at expressing herself, but that was totally not my impression of her in all the other six reality TV shows they did.  I'm SO confused.  Is this real and those were fake?  Were those shows real and this is fake?  I just don't know anymore.

*What was up with that text message?  In episode one, Tori gets a text message for Dean that says something like "I can't even look at _______ anymore." It was something he meant to send for someone in rehab that he sent to Tori by accident.  Tori and all of her friends freak out about the text message in the middle of a fabric store, but it's all very vague and confusing.  The name of the person Dean mentions is bleeped out of the show to protect their privacy.  Seriously?  You're worried about protecting this random person's privacy?  What about the privacy of your CHILDREN.

*Dean's suicide.  In episode 2, during a joint therapy session, Dean confesses that during his nervous breakdown he thought of breaking the window in the therapists office and jumping out of it.  And then shit gets weird.  The therapist has to tell production that Dean had suicidal tendencies.  Apparently, no one at Lifetime knew about this and the revelation could stop production (i.e. it's not really a good thing if someone kills themselves during filming of a reality TV show).  Tori gets VERY upset.  Dean had agreed NOT to bring this up on camera.  She seems really embarrassed-- like she didn't want the world to know that her husband would rather be dead than be married to her.  And then she says that it could impact his career and getting jobs.  Dean says that he needs to be honest.  And just like that, he steals her thunder and becomes the more interesting person on the show.  What a dick.  In all seriousness, it's super sad if a father of five (he has a kid with his ex) committed suicide.  It really makes me miss the old days of Tori & Dean-- back then, their biggest problems were Dean's hot scuba diving instructor and his penchant for motorcycles.

*Speaking of the good old days, does Lifetime really need to continuously break our hearts with all these adorable family pictures of the Mcdermott-Spellings?  It's like: bloated Dean crying about his nervous breakdown CUT TO a photo of skinny Dean holding a new born baby.  THIS IS SO DEPRESSING.

*The birthday party.  In episode 2, Dean comes home from rehab and they throw a birthday party for Liam...cause it wouldn't be a Tori/Dean reality show if they weren't planning some sort of party.  This is when I start wondering if the cheating scandal was actually fake because this party looks straight-up ghetto compared to the ones they threw when they had their show on Oxygen.  I mean, they don't even get the kid a cake from Hansen's!  Clearly, they are in dire straits.

*Tori's mom friends.  OMG, I love Tori's mom friends.  They all have pretty hair and nice skin.  Are they from central casting?  I like, want to be friends with them.  All of my future mom friends will probably have dark circles under their eyes and chipped manicures. 

*Tori's nails. I'm obsessed.  I'm not even into nail art, but her nails are SO cool.  I know she's not the prettiest person in the world, but she does have great style. 

*This show is a million times better than Lindsay on OWN.


  1. The more I watch the more I think it's fake. I refuse to believe that at least one if not multiple party planning companies wouldn't have jumped to be featured. I know of at least 5 fame-whore bakeries in the LA area that would've donated a Minecraft cake lickity split! Tori can't really think we believe she does any of this herself when the cameras aren't rolling...

  2. wait a minute, wait a minute.... what's wrong with tori's lips? why are they so puffy??

  3. I'm not sure if I think it's worse if it's fake or real. I'll keep watching either way of course

  4. It's amazing that people care so much about this one reality show and its utter fake-ness but, YES, of course the show is a fake (like many others in the genre). Perhaps there are seeds of reality they are replaying, but the timeline alone proves the story they are telling isn't happening in real time. They were together for Xmas and they weren't smart enough to NOT tweet about this in anticipation of this show. Liam's birthday was not the bday depicted on the show; it was in March, it was at another venue and it was also tweeted/blogged about. Etc., etc. That said, I'm fairly impressed with the acting job Dean is pulling off. It seems he even gained weight for the part. And he pulls of the "very sad eyes" thing. Talent!

  5. Meant to type "pulls OFF."