Thursday, June 12, 2014

how I really got through it & the BLOW OFF

When you’re going through a breakup, it’s very possible that you will feel like you’re going to die. It hurts to breathe, the tears don’t stop and the prospect of a life without HIM (no matter how much of an emotionally unavailable idiot he may be) seems very bleak and empty. I myself have given lots of wonderful advice to other people. So people often tell me to follow my own advice and I'm like yeahhh right. The girl who wrote that was not in the thick of it, what does she know? I could easily tell you what you should do, but I'll just go ahead and tell ya what I did.

Everyone handles things differently and if you are the type of person who gets right back on the horse, I really applaud you. I am not that person. My two year relationship (for lack of a better word) really died over New Years (though there was recently a brief resuscitation. Like in horror movies when the killer comes back to life for a moment to do one last bit of damage). I was truly a mess. I didn’t want to leave my bed, I wanted to make a fort out of my pillows and keep everyone away (except “Old Bear” my teddy). Yes, I am a 32 year old woman with a teddy named Old Bear. I drank wine, I watched all my go to break up movies, and read “It’s Called A Breakup Because It’s Broken” so many times the pages are literally falling out. I called in sick to work, didn’t wash my hair and I basically looked like a very depressed mental patient.

After a week, I realized that if I wanted to keep my job/sanity, I would have to emerge from the sheets and rejoin the living. So I washed my hair, put on some makeup and stepped out into the sunshine. I looked like myself again, but inside I was broken. I was feeling a plethora of emotions –none of them particularly positive. I feel bad for anyone who encounters me during a post break-up period because one of two things will happen. I will either be extremely irritated/agitated and you will not have a chance at doing anything right by me. Or I will start crying and babbling incoherently about a love that never was. Want to go out for drinks?

I really do believe it’s important to mourn your loss and feel your pain. I think if you push it aside or numb it too much you might end up having a nervous breakdown at some inopportune time down the line. Now, I’m not saying don’t be having some wine and cookies cause you’re gonna need them, but if you drink to the point of oblivion, you will just wake up with the same miserable grief AND a hangover.

Since I hate dating, I decided not to force myself to do it.  Bad dates have only served to make me miss HIM more. So when I need to hook up or have sex, I rely on a famous actor who may have been in People’s sexiest men issue. We’ve been hooking up for 10 years (sporadically, but ironically this famous actor has been my longest hook up relationship ever). It’s an ego boost, I feel comfortable with him, and the sex is magical. I strongly recommend finding a hot actor rebound guy. Or at least a hot guy from your past who will make you feel comfortable and good about yourself.

Some girls love to date and the thought of being with another guy so soon after being dumped doesn’t make them want to hurl. I wish I was more like that, but I’m just not. I think it’s important to really go with how you feel. If you want to get back out there because YOU truly want to move on, go for it. Just don’t succumb to pressure from friends or family. Only you know when you feel ready.

It’s hard to see people when you feel like this. It takes so much energy to pretend you’re OK and you don’t want to be the Debbie downer who constantly talks about her ex. It took me a while before I was ready to go to clubs/bars (this would have been unheard of in my Playboy Mansion/Hollywood clubbing days). But I still thought it good to force myself out of my apartment. So I started slowly. I made plans with friends to go to dinners and movies. I had girls nights and happy grove days (note: the grove is an outdoor mall in LA). Gradually, I eased myself back into civilization.

I did join a gym and I’d like to tell you that I kicked ass and went everyday, but that would just be a lie. But I do go sometimes and I will say I truly feel better about myself everytime I go. It’s a good way to work out aggression while taking care of yourself at the same time. I also started seeing a therapist and taking writing classes (writing is my real therapy).

There will be good days and bad days. We can only do the best we can. One day you might be feeling like the world is your oyster and then next day you might need to crawl back into the fort. This process sucks, it’s one of the suckiest and most unnatural things in life if you ask me. One day you’re happy and someone is the center of your universe and a day later he’s no longer in that universe at all. That person will always have a part of your heart and will always be a part of your story. And you will always be a part of his, in fact he’s probably going to Google you for the rest of his life. So take that little morsel with you as you move on to the next chapter, and know that no matter how you realllly get through it, you will get through it. I think. I hope. Wine and cookies please, stat!


  1. The best breakup advice I got was "Exercise a lot and listen to 'The Scientist' on repeat." Worked for me.

  2. :( I just went through a breakup with the same guy who has done this before. And today was the day after. I went to work, and tried to keep a happy face, but inside I was dying. I know they say you should talk to your friends about it, but they get kind of sick of it, especially when you are "babbling incoherently about a love that never was". Like you, I can't get straight back on the horse, kuddos to those who can, but right now I'm really upset. It's not just a figure of speech, your heart really does hurt and you feel like it's hard to breathe. I feel a bit better after reading your article though, hopefully I will get through it.