Monday, June 2, 2014

the nice guy myth & the BLOW OFF

Whenever you end yet another relationship or hook-up or whatever people always tell you that you need to stop dating bad boys and just go out with a "nice guy." And to all of those people I say FUCK YOU. You think you're being helpful by telling us that we need to stop dating the player, the drug addict, the party boy, but here's the thing- we know what we're getting with those guys. We know that we'll be in for a certain amount of arguments, unreturned texts, and booty calls. We know that it probably won't last forever.

Dating nice guys sets us up for disappointment. We think that because we're dating the "nice guy" that magically all of those things that inevitably happened when we were dating the bad boys won't happen.

"He's a nice guy. He wouldn't do that."

And when they do, it hurts a million times more than a bad boy BLOW OFF.  We're left completely blindsided. 

I once dated this nice guy who was super into me and couldn't have been more of a gentleman. He picked up my drycleaning, took me on nice dates, offered to help me out with chores around my house. Things were pretty perfect- that is until he completely went MIA and stopped calling me out of the blue and didn't respond to any of my messages. It felt about a million times worse because he wasn't supposed to behave this way. He was nice and considerate and everything the bad boys I'd dated prior to him weren't.

The worst part was it was so hard to be angry with him because I knew that he was a good guy. If it was a bad boy I would've been able to just say, "Well he's a dick. What did I expect?" But when they are nice it's so hard to reconcile their bad behavior with who they are because it's completely inconsistent with they way they treated you and you almost end up making excuses for them. To this day I still consider him a "nice guy." And that I realize is so messed up.

I read a quote on Twitter the other day that seems to apply- and you're totally free to judge me for pulling wisdom from Twitter because I'm judging me for it.

"People show their true colors unintentionally. Pay attention."

So maybe it's not about the bad boys or the "nice guys." It's about the 180 degree change in actions or possibly just acting like a dick.

What do you guys think? Bad Boys vs Nice Guys. Is one really better than the other?


  1. May he was just a bad boy who knew how to play the "nice guy." When he was over it he went back to his bad boy ways.

  2. I seriously have always said it's the "nice guys" that have hurt and blindsided me the most. It's so much easier to keep things in perspective when you expect a guy to be a player, an ass, etc. For so long I only dated "bad boys" for that exact reason. It was fun, i never let let myself get too attached and I really didn't get hurt. But ultimately I want a guy who I can trust with my heart. I think the best thing to do is go slow, really get to know someone and be very aware of red flags. So many guys these days are just dicks in nice guy clothing.

  3. I think the problem with nice guys is that they never rip the band-aid off of a relationship quickly. They're so desperate to not be an asshole that they end up drawing out break ups or just coming off emotionally confused and tortured-- simply because they don't have the balls to say "this isn't working". They feel so guilty about hurting us that they accidentally string us along in the process. Bad boys have less guilt, which weirdly makes them more direct sometimes.

  4. Bad boys bad boys whatcha gonna do?

  5. "I'm gonna go out in this world and get everything I can get. I mean, I'm gonna be rich, super rich. I mean, I'm gonna be spending money like a chimp in a beat-off contest.

  6. I'm going through the same thing really fucking sucks. I would love nothing more than to have something to hate him for, but I have nothing because he is truly an amazing person. Oh well, they're obviously not THAT amazing or they wouldn't have strung us along...Fuck nice guys.