Wednesday, July 9, 2014

I can't make you happy & the BLOW OFF

A warning to all women who (like myself) can be testy, moody, hard to please, and downright bitchy sometimes.  One day, you might wake up to discover that your spouse/boyfriend is dumping your ass.  And when you ask them why, the response may be: I can't make you happy.

This is essentially what's happening to Shannon Beador's marriage on Real Housewives of Orange County.  Even if you don't watch the show, check out this clip and you'll understand what I'm talking about.  It's kind of a fascinating study in relationships:

As their conversation continues, David tells Shannon he's tired of living an unhappy life and he feels like he can't make her happy.  While I don't think I'm as cuckoo as Shannon and while my spouse is WAY more sensitive than David, I can relate to the pattern.  When a person tends to focus on the negative or point out everything their spouse does wrong, over time they end up poisoning the relationship.  They're also secure enough in the relationship where they assume their significant other will put up with it forever.  That's why Shannon is so confused and shocked when her husband suggests moving out of the house or getting separated.

I've definitely done this in my marriage.  In fact, I can be so picky and hard to please, that my husband gets nervous when it comes to choosing a restaurant or cooking dinner or picking out a movie for us to watch.  And I definitely have a tendency to focus on the negative (which I'm working on changing).  I had an epiphany about this one night when my husband made dinner.  All I could focus on was the mess he made in the kitchen.  Why couldn't he clean up as he went along like I always do?  Didn't he know I just wiped the counters?   And then I realized it was all about perspective.  My focus shouldn't be on the fact that the kitchen is messy, my focus should be on the fact that I have a husband who's excited about cooking dinner for us.

I think men also need to realize that they don't have all the power when it comes to making their significant other happy.  That's way too much pressure to put on yourselves.  There are plenty of other things in a person's life that impact their moods (hormones for starters) and just because we're testy or grumpy doesn't mean we're unhappy in the relationship.  It can be tied to so many other things-- career, issues with family or friends, the sad discovery that our ass no longer fits in our favorite jeans, etc.

And as for us ladies, I do think sometimes we take pleasure in our bitchiness.  We're not very good at letting our boyfriends or husbands off the hook.  Maybe we even like watching them squirm because we see it as a sign that they love us.  But if we keep going that route, eventually it's bound to bite us in the ass.


  1. I love this post. When I'm in a relationship I'm always very conscious of this. Re: RHOC I have to say I don't blame Shannon's husband. And her reasoning is stupid "I just want him to want to spend time with me." Who the HELL wants to spend time with someone who picks at them all the time????

  2. Wow. I can't believe I just read what I *WENT* through. For three years, I put up with abuse from my gf. Never again. She would be so nice and happy, we'd be laughing etc. IN LOVE, then randomly miserable about whatever is going on in her life. Whether it's me or not, I'm miserable with her because she dragged me in it.
    She was never truly happy. I always felt like I never knew if we would still be together because of her mood swings. I felt like she resented me. It hurt a lot. Still does. I will never be weak when it comes to women ever again. Never. Been through a divorce before and now this , not to mention previous relationships where she controlled the relationship, and if I tried to take control...I'm on the curb. "Where are all the good men?" They ask....
    I'm a 6ft tall handsome Italian American guy with a government job. I am going my own way.
    So yes, I'm done. I'm opting out of the game, because the game is rigged. Family courts etc. men are wishing up really quick about how society lacks respect for men. Watch'll see it all over. Pay attention. Ask..If it were a woman...would it be acceptable?
    Men are opting out.

  3. How can i fix my self i feel im being all the above and i dont want to lose my man i love him with all my heart