Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Nothing reeks worse than desperation

Someone needs to tell that to Robin Thicke.  Ever since his wife Paula Patton left him, he's been on this strange quest to win her back by publicly declaring in concerts and live performances that he misses her and he's sorry-- all the while a sign behind him lights up and spells out PAULA.  He even named his album after her.  Wow.  How the mighty have fallen after having topless chicks danced off rhythm behind them in the Blurred Lines video.

Weirdly enough, it's commonly been thought that when dudes pull these type of grand gestures it's romantic and beautiful-- but when women do it, it's psychotic and freakish.  I'm here to say that Robin Thicke might have proven that theory completely wrong.  Maybe it's still the image I have of him dressed up as Beetlejuice and grinding his testicles on Miley Cyrus, but lately the guy just seems sweaty and gross and...DESPERATE. 

That's right.  Desperation can make the most attractive among us seem creepy and sad.  It's probably one of the most repelling qualities in a person-- whether they're someone we're dating or interviewing for a job.  And it's almost impossible to mask the scent.  I remember a guy friend mentioning that he thought a friend of mine was pretty, but that he could tell she was "desperate" which made her less attractive.  Ouch.  But-- what do you do when you need a job or want a boyfriend but you don't want to seem like you're desperate for either?

It's not easy.  Especially on the job front when your livelihood and the ability to pay your rent or feed your kids depends on getting an offer.  I guess a lot of times you have to fake it.  That's what I've done in the past.  If there are gaps in your resume, you fill them in an interview with all the exciting things you did between jobs.  Maybe you go in with the attitude that they need to win you over too.  But mostly, you have to avoid putting all your eggs in one basket.  Cast a wide net so that if one job doesn't pan out, another might.  Sort of you how generally don't only apply to one college.  This is what Robin Thicke is NOT doing.  He's putting all of his eggs in the Paula basket.  And hopefully by now Paula's hooking up with the likes of Michael Ealy. 

The same goes on the dating front.  Being too eager to please or overly amenable to everything can come off as a sign of desperation.  A healthy dose of aloofness is never a bad thing.  I've always been impressed (and envious) of friends who go out with multiple people at a time.  Again, it's all about casting a wide net.  If one guy turns out to be a dud or never calls you back, it's cool-- cause the other two you're dating might work out better.

And if you want an ex back, the worst thing to do is grovel.  Remember when Prince William broke up with Kate Middleton?  She didn't beg him to change his mind (well, maybe she did. I don't know them) but instead she painted the town red with Pippa.  Maybe she was just faking it, but even acting like she was moving on made Prince Billy freak out that he could lose her.  So why be Robin Thicke when you can be Kate Middleton, people?

The more you move on and the more you have going on in your life, the less you'll feel is lacking, and the less desperate you'll be for more.  Just remember: use a condom and open an IRA and everything will be okay.

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