Thursday, July 31, 2014

One ManServant with a side of fries

Ladies, pack your bags.  We're all moving to San Francisco.  There's a new start up in town called ManServants where women can hire their own personal butler to wait on them hand and foot.  To that I say: YES PLEASE.  I mean, who needs a boyfriend when you can have a hot servant? There's even a code of chivalry every man servant must follow.  A few of the highlights: he must respond to every request with "as you wish", he must refer to you as "my lady", he has to open every door for you, hold your purse, shield you from douche bags, AND he has to pay you a compliment every fifteen minutes.  Most importantly, he has to keep his penis in his pants and away from you (really, that part had to be written in the code?  It doesn't just go without saying?)  Man Servants could be the answers to all our problems.

I'm already thinking about all the things I would have a man servant do for me.  I would for sure make him do the dishes, make the bed, fold the laundry.  I would request one gay Man Servant to help me pick out what to wear and to watch Real Housewives marathons with me, while serving me chocolate covered strawberries and champagne.  I would make him carry my gym bag and feed me water in between work out intervals.  I'd make him turn the pages of my magazine for me while I lay out poolside.  I would also ask for shoulder rubs, while I told him about my current career or marital dilemma.  Oh, and of course, he would drive me everywhere without a ridiculous pink mustache on his car and that uncomfortable fist bump.

And for all of you single ladies out there, Man Servant could be the perfect wingman.  You wouldn't even need to rely on all of your friends who are already in relationships to hit the town with you.  Man Servant would take you out to bars and stand in line to get you drinks.  And then he could scout potential life partners, while you simply sip your martini and play candy crush on your iPhone.  You can also gift a Man Servant to a friend that needs a little pick me up. 

For an additional fee, you can also have your man servant serenade you.  The service even allows you to pick out his name, his dress code, and what he looks like.  Hmmmm.... my man servant would be named Hickory, he would be a brunette with curly hair, and he'd dress in fitted Tom Ford suits.

I'm sure as I'm typing this-- there's someone selling a Man Servant pitch to some Hollywood studio.  Busy, workaholic, wealthy Jennifer Aniston type hires a Man Servant and the two fall madly in love.  I'd go see that shit.  What would you guys hire your personal man servant to do? Comment below!
                  

4 comments:

  1. I'd need a blind Man Servant to hold my kindle while I shower. I get really cold in the winter and I like to take several long hot showers a day (clearly not when we are having a drought, I haven't showered in 3 days) and I get bored just standing in there. I don't want some guy looking at my fat parts and judging them so if he is blind, solves the problem. I actually came up with this idea when I was having one of my 'if I were Bill Gates rich' moments but it applies to the Man Servant idea just as well.

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  2. Why do I live in SF and I am just now finding out about this??? SWOON!!!

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  3. Fucking love this — and I just disrupted some folks on my plane as I laughed out loud about the uncomfortable Lyft fist bump.

    I also agree with the comment above about the benefits of a blind man servant. I'm sure his other heightened senses would be like hanging out with
    Spider Man on the daily.

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  4. I am new to this site and please allow me to say, I LOVE it! Man servant..yes please!!

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