Thursday, July 10, 2014

the ten best things I did post break-up

I've obviously given a lot of break-up tips on this blog, but hindsight is always 20/20.  Here are things I actually did right after getting dumped that helped me move on with my life.  There's a lot of things I did wrong, but I can save those for another post.  If any of you are reeling from heartbreak, I hope some of the below helps get you through it.  Remember-- take it one day at a time...

10.  I got my nose pierced.  It didn't feel as cliche as getting a haircut (though I've done that before) and it made me feel like a slightly cooler version of myself.  I'm probably still too old to have one (33?), but I'm not willing to let go of the street cred just yet.  A new piercing or a tattoo will make you feel like you're not the same person who got dumped.

9.  I gave my exes strict orders NEVER to get in touch with me.  It wasn't enough for me to decide the "no contact rule"-- I had to tell them to abide by it too.  You simply will not get over someone if you keep them in your life.  The only thing that will happen when you try to be besties with an ex is that you'll get hurt all over again when they find someone new.

8.  I gave myself permission to be an internet stalker.  I might be in the minority on this, but I think a healthy amount of internet stalking after a break-up is a good thing.  It can be much more harmful to let your imagination run wild with what the other person might be doing.  Just limit yourself to an hour a day and a keep in mind that EVERYONE looks happier on the internet than they actually are.

7. I did the break-up cleanse.  I'm not talking about drinking lemon juice and cayenne pepper for seven days, I'm talking about getting rid of everything that reminds me of the ex.  That means every gift, every photo, every email, every text message, even some mutual friends.  If you really feel like you might miss some of the keepsakes, then put them on a hard drive and ask a friend to keep them for you until a later date.  Like...ten years from now.  Actually, I do recommend burning or permanently destroying some items, just for the ritual of it.

6. I went to Belize by myself for a screenwriting workshop.  It was the first (and I think only) time I've gone on vacation by myself, but it taught me I can have a good time solo, meet lots of new cool people, and shift my focus to my career.

5. I said everything I wanted to say (before instituting the no contact rule).  Whether it was by email or snail mail or in person-- I never walked away from any relationship without saying my piece.  I never wanted to look back and think "what if I had only told him this..."  Who cares if laying it all out on the line made him realize I really liked him?  I was dating him.  That already meant I really liked him.

4. I took a break from dating.  Okay, so it wasn't always a self-imposed break, but for the most part, I never jumped from one relationship to the next.  I made myself do 75% of the healing and let a new guy help with the remaining 25%.

3.  I skipped the happy birthday text, phone-call, email-- no matter how close the date was to our break-up.  Let's be real.  If the man didn't really want to be my boyfriend, then why would I want him to have a happy birthday?  Fuck that guy and the day he was born.

2.  I pretended like the break-up was the best thing that could ever happen to me.  I smiled a little bigger, laughed a little harder, danced my ass off a little more-- especially in the presence of mutual friends. Who cares if your heart is breaking into tiny irreparable pieces on the inside?  No one but you has to know that. 

1. I sulked.  A lot. Behind closed doors.  I'm talking laying in bed, listening to Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill on repeat, singing loudest to the following:
Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me? 

Feeling sorry for myself was the ultimate therapy.  Getting dumped sucks.  And if there's one thing we should allow ourselves while going through it is a little self-pity.  Right Lauryn?  RIGHT.


  1. Yes! Esp to #3. Big believer in that. Best thing I did post my really bad breakup w/ my long term BF was to change my FB status to single immediately. It sounds silly and superficial but changing my status on social media meant it was out there for everyone to see and I couldn't pretend like maybe things would work out and we'd get back together one day. Friends of mine even commented like "whoa that was fast!" But you have to rip the band-aid!


  3. I've gotten tattoos after my last two very painful break ups, and I'm 43, so....age is just a number sister! Tattoo and pierce away! ;)