Tuesday, August 5, 2014

15 things women need to stop saying

I'm going to preface this post by saying there's a lot on here that I'm guilty of saying in the past and will probably accidentally say in the future.  But what inspired me to make this list is that I've been noticing a trend of (negative) phrases/statements/declarations uttered by women that sound a little ridiculous when you picture the same words being said by a man.  And there's a reason for that.  So, here's a few things I wish us ladies would stop saying or asking or even thinking if we can help it. 

15. "Thank you, BUT."  I'm so guilty of this one.  I do it whenever someone congratulates me on an accomplishment or pays me a compliment.  It's like "thank you, but it really isn't that big of a deal" or "thank you, but it was kind of a fluke." I don't know why some of us are conditioned to apologize for our accomplishments or immediately diminish them.  Let's just stop at "thank you" next time.

14. "I'm not good at being alone."  This has become the common excuse for women who are always in relationships. First of all, none of us are fantastic at being alone-- but it's a healthy skill to hone and it's way better than dating someone just for the sake of it. And inevitably, there will be times in your life when you're alone whether you want to be or not.  Learn to get better at it.  

13. "What did I do wrong?" Everyone-- men and women-- should examine the mistakes they've made in a failed relationship, but I think women more than men have a tendency to blame the break-up on themselves, especially when things fizzle out in the early stages.  We try desperately to pinpoint the exact wrong thing we might have said or did that caused the guy to abruptly lose interest in us.  That line of thinking will only make us more freaked out in our next relationship. 

12. "I'm happy with the salary they offered me."  That's super great that you've been offered a salary you're happy with.  Now negotiate for one that will make you even happier. 

11. "I'm just one of those women that will always be successful in my career, but unlucky in love." I used to say this all the time before I met my husband.  When is the last time you ever heard a man make this statement about themselves?  Ladies, we need to stop approaching love/career as though some of us are destined for one and not the other.

10. "Women can have it all" or "women can't have it all." I hate this debate.  No one can have it all.  End of story.

9. "Where is this going?" Purely based on my own relationship history, I'm a big believer that if you have to ask where something is going, that means it's going nowhere.  The one exception to this rule is the long distance relationship, because logistical questions become necessary to planning next steps, etc.  No one wants to move to another city without a state of the union address.  

8. "Other women don't like me, because they're jealous." I'm curious how often any of us have heard a man declare that "other men don't like me because they're jealous."  I'm guessing never (unless said man was a contestant on The Bachelorette).  If you're a female and have ever uttered that sentence, then chances are you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

7. "Masturbating just makes me feel sad and lonely." ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?  We have been awarded the ability to give ourselves orgasms.  This is basically a super power.  And last time I checked, I've never heard a guy commiserate over how depressed he feels every time he jerks off.  Why take something that should empower us and turn it into a negative?

6. "All I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother." To this I say: find a third thing that gives your life meaning.  I'm not saying being a wife and a mother aren't two wonderful roles in life, I'm just saying that if you define your success and self-worth purely by what you mean to other people, then it might feel like there's something missing.  And this doesn't necessarily mean having a career-- there could be other non-work related goals to work towards.

5. "He's so different when it's just the two of us." Sounds like something Rihanna probably said about Chris Brown.  In all seriousness, this is another statement I've rarely heard a man say about his girlfriend.  Which could mean that women are more likely to put up with guys who are socially awkward or treat them like crap in public.  Unfortunately, a huge part of a relationship does include interacting with each other's friends and family.  You don't want to be tense every time you're in the world together.

4. "I'm too busy to be in a relationship."  Okay, here's one that dudes say too but generally so they can set a boundary for their casual hook up.  What bothers me about this is in some cases when women say it, I feel like it's because we've been conditioned to think we sound desperate if we admit we want a boyfriend.  However, when a guy says "I'm ready to find someone and settle down" it's sexy as hell. 
There's no shame in wanting to be in a relationship-- and even though a lot of us are really busy, we're also generally good at multi-tasking.  Maybe instead we should amend this to "I'm too busy to be in a sub-par relationship."

3. "Slut." I'm all for reclaiming this word and using it in the form of a cheeky term of endearment.  After all, I do freely use the word "bitches" but I don't see any value in using the word "slut" in the traditional sense.  It's 2014.  Sleeping with men no longer makes you a slut, it makes you a normal human being.

2. "There was already a crack in the foundation before I came along." This seems to be the most recent trend when it comes to extramarital affairs.  It's not the other woman that wrecked the relationship, because the relationship was already wrecked.  That is such a load.  Why?  Because every relationship has cracks.  Every relationship goes through vulnerable patches.  And having been the other woman (he had a girlfriend, not a wife) I can say I pursued it, because I was lonely and that made me feel entitled.  And for the record, the guy's relationship was pretty solid.  Something I'd like to hear more women say is "call me when you're getting divorced."

1. "I don't consider myself a feminist." Bitch, get it together.  There's really nothing that gets under my skin more than a woman who refuses to call herself a "feminist."  Why?  Because somewhere along the line, women got it into their heads that referring to themselves as a feminist would make them less appealing to men.  Stop the insanity.  The definition of feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.  So here's an idea: once we're finally paid the same as men, all of you non-feminist females can continue to make 77 cents on the dollar.

Is there anything I missed?  Anything you vehemently disagree with?  Comment below! 


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    1. anonymous, I deleted your comment because I love it so much that I want to publish it as its own post and I don't want to step on the traffic it could get as a post by leaving it in the comments section. I'll post it tomorrow and if you have any problems with that, please shoot me an email at theblowoffwtf@gmail.com

  2. I hate it when women "fush" for compliments by insulting themselves. Ex. I look terrible today! ( Comment made while rocking it out in whatever outfit they spent hours putting together).

  3. I'm fantastic at being alone. I wonder if I'll be any good with someone else.
    and I agree with the fact we need to take compliments by just saying thanks.