Monday, September 22, 2014

the rough patch & the BLOW OFF

This post is dedicated to those of you who may be experiencing your very first rough patch in what was otherwise a "perfect" relationship.  I use quotations, because we're all wise enough to know that there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. The first rough patch is a scary time, but take a deep breath and rest assured-- it's going to be the best thing that ever happened to you for several reasons.

A rough patch is inevitable. It happens to everyone and it's unavoidable. Apparently, it even happened to Beyonce and Jay-Z this summer.  The H-bomb and I have gone through more than a few over the course of our nine year relationship.  They can be confusing and emotionally draining, but generally, if you get through the other side of it-- it actually does bring you closer together. That said, making it to the other side is the hard part.

Surviving a rough patch requires a lot of patience and it also requires the ability to see your role in the problems you're having.  If you put the blame solely on one party in the relationship, then that person might eventually crack and find the nearest exit.  It also means communicating and talking your way through it.  Your Sig Other may want to keep things pent up inside and you may prefer to talk things to death, but you have to meet somewhere in the middle on this one.  Rough patches also require going to bed angry at times.  I personally don't believe in the "never go to bed angry" rule.  How many times have had you a more rational perspective on issues in the morning then you had the night before?  Sometimes discussions need to be tabled till you've had a little perspective on an issue.

The reason the first rough patch is the turning point in every relationship is that it def won't be the last. Relationships get more and more difficult as you get older-- once you have to factor in finances and kids and debt and mortgage payments, etc etc the bumps in the road will get even trickier to navigate around. If your relationship doesn't withstand this very first rough patch, then you're actually lucky to have it end sooner rather than later.  You just can't go through life with someone who expects things to be easy all the time and cuts bait as soon as things aren't fun anymore.  The measure of a strong relationship isn't how well you enjoy the good times together, but how well you deal with the shitty times.

So lovely readers, have you ever had a rough patch?  Were you able to get through it?  Comment below!


  1. I love the fishing analogy! And I truly agree with you in that it really is important sometimes to just stop talking, go to bed, and wake up in the morning feeling open to understand the other person's pov. On that note, rough patches still suck. But you're right: they are also much needed. Next time i hit one, i'll remember this post.

  2. I am a beautiful person who is the best lover