Monday, October 13, 2014

Online Dating can SUCK IT.

There are things that you never really realize when you are becoming single again. The re-introduction into the wild. Can I mention first of all, that dating is exhausting, and dating is the worst?

Dating is the worst.

A friend recently convinced me to join OkCupid, and I don't know if it was the wine, the company, the inundation of engagement announcements that seem to triple weekly, or my moment of faux self awareness where I decided "why the hell not, what I'm doing now clearly isn't working". But for some reason, I thought this was potentially not my worst idea.

To my credit....I have had worse ideas.

But learning about OkCupid (OKC, as the locals call it) is like learning another language. Much like watching me struggle to use this new Windows 8 laptop, (with a touch screen and mouse pad that is constantly minimizing my screen and switching me to Netflix) I am sure it is nothing short of hysterical watching me navigate the world of (free) online dating.

I know I'm writing about nothing new-it's pretty much a given that you will meet creeps on these sites. I am not re-inventing the wheel here.

But I am shocked, appalled, amused and enthralled to learn what people think are appropriate behaviors for meeting online. Or better yet, how people are interested in portraying themselves when they have a picture and a prayer of getting a response. Screw that sociology course I had to take in college--- make students online date for a semester!

No, I don't think that a photo of you lifting at the gym, in your dad jeans, spells L-O-V-E for us. You can argue that I am judging a book by its cover and this could be a totally sweet genuine person. And you're right, I am. But if it's any consolation, if I ever see said man in belted jeans at the gym, I will be ignoring him in person as well. So I am an equal opportunity judger, if that helps.

How about the semi endearing introductory email that was just borderline funny enough to get a response from me. That then tried to turn every subsequent message into sexting (or the email equivalent? e-sexting? Is that a thing? Did I just start it? How long until we hit urban dictionary?)

Lastly, there is someone who has sent me seven different hellos over the last two months and I have never responded. Does he not remember? Does his drunk self save his sober self's ego by deleting all messages after they are sent (his drunk dating self and my drunk texting self actually sound like soul mates!) and therefore never realizing he has already reached out to me to only get radio silence? Are we doomed to this eternal merry-go-round of discomfort and rejection?

Now don't get me wrong, I have met one normal, nice human being who I enjoyed an evening of drinks with and to this day is still the only person I have actually conversed with long enough to meet up with. And we still play some phone tag here and there. I guess I should take some hope in that fact--- as my friend says, "the good guys are out there!"--- but really, it just makes me think that if I'm gonna do this, I need to pony up some dough and hopefully meet some people who aren't paying just to bang.

Or I'm just going to de-activate my account and hope I meet someone the old fashioned way---a few whiskey's deep thinking the pensive look on my face is much sexier than it really is.


  1. I have never used OKCupid in my life (nor do I ever plan on it), however I can say that people are not who they appear to be online, OR EVEN IN PERSON WHEN YOU MEET THEM. Who's to say these strangers you meet online are even SINGLE and/or NOT MARRIED. I mean the same can be said about any stranger you meet (not just online), however OKCupid—among other dating sites, has been one of the leading sources of infidelity.

    I thought the world of my ex that I had been dating for 3 year long distance relationship—that is until I found out that he had secretly been seeing a handful of women on OKCupid. Those women will never know, and that factor alone is just utterly terrible; you could be helping someone cheat on their spouse/significant other and not even know it.

    To those who do online dating and those thinking about doing it (to actually find someone and not to just get laid):
    You want to meet someone new and get to know them? Then get off your ass and go to a social outing, take a class or go try something new and different that doesn't make you vulnerable to this virtual cesspool of unfaithful people who are trying so hard to impress you for their own selfish intentions.

  2. To be perfectly fair, cheaters are cheaters, regardless of what method they use, Anonymous. I'm truly sorry to hear of your experience, but people have been cheating on each other forever, not just since the dawn of social media and increased connectivity and accessibility.

    Additionally, to imply that people who experiment with online dating are just lazy and need to "get off their ass" really isn't the most fair statement either. People you meet in person can be just as fake and unfaithful-I actually met someone in person last week who spent an entire evening hanging out with me only to admit he had a girlfriend at the end of the night. It's great that we have all these avenues to be connected and reach out and meet people who we might never have spoken to otherwise-people who turn out to be great friends even. Why shouldn't we take advantage of that opportunity? It's a wonderful thing.