Monday, October 13, 2014
Online Dating can SUCK IT.
Posted by Guest Post
Dating is the worst.
A friend recently convinced me to join OkCupid, and I don't know if it was the wine, the company, the inundation of engagement announcements that seem to triple weekly, or my moment of faux self awareness where I decided "why the hell not, what I'm doing now clearly isn't working". But for some reason, I thought this was potentially not my worst idea.
To my credit....I have had worse ideas.
But learning about OkCupid (OKC, as the locals call it) is like learning another language. Much like watching me struggle to use this new Windows 8 laptop, (with a touch screen and mouse pad that is constantly minimizing my screen and switching me to Netflix) I am sure it is nothing short of hysterical watching me navigate the world of (free) online dating.
I know I'm writing about nothing new-it's pretty much a given that you will meet creeps on these sites. I am not re-inventing the wheel here.
But I am shocked, appalled, amused and enthralled to learn what people think are appropriate behaviors for meeting online. Or better yet, how people are interested in portraying themselves when they have a picture and a prayer of getting a response. Screw that sociology course I had to take in college--- make students online date for a semester!
No, I don't think that a photo of you lifting at the gym, in your dad jeans, spells L-O-V-E for us. You can argue that I am judging a book by its cover and this could be a totally sweet genuine person. And you're right, I am. But if it's any consolation, if I ever see said man in belted jeans at the gym, I will be ignoring him in person as well. So I am an equal opportunity judger, if that helps.
How about the semi endearing introductory email that was just borderline funny enough to get a response from me. That then tried to turn every subsequent message into sexting (or the email equivalent? e-sexting? Is that a thing? Did I just start it? How long until we hit urban dictionary?)
Lastly, there is someone who has sent me seven different hellos over the last two months and I have never responded. Does he not remember? Does his drunk self save his sober self's ego by deleting all messages after they are sent (his drunk dating self and my drunk texting self actually sound like soul mates!) and therefore never realizing he has already reached out to me to only get radio silence? Are we doomed to this eternal merry-go-round of discomfort and rejection?
Now don't get me wrong, I have met one normal, nice human being who I enjoyed an evening of drinks with and to this day is still the only person I have actually conversed with long enough to meet up with. And we still play some phone tag here and there. I guess I should take some hope in that fact--- as my friend says, "the good guys are out there!"--- but really, it just makes me think that if I'm gonna do this, I need to pony up some dough and hopefully meet some people who aren't paying just to bang.
Or I'm just going to de-activate my account and hope I meet someone the old fashioned way---a few whiskey's deep thinking the pensive look on my face is much sexier than it really is.