Wednesday, October 22, 2014

stalker tendencies & the BLOW OFF

Before you start beating yourself about checking your ex's Facebook page, I've got good news for you: at least you're not Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa. She'd gone out on six dates with a guy before--- wait for it--- getting trapped in his chimney after trying to break into his house. For realsies. It took firefighters and some dish soap, but she was finally extricated from the chimney after being stuck for five hours. Ugh, Genoveva-- you're giving the rest of us a bad rap. The owner of the house said he'd learned that you shouldn't take someone to your home until you get to know them better. Here's a pic of her in the chimney:

Having been trapped in a tiny hotel bathroom for thirty minutes, I can say from experience that this must have been fucking terrifying. I'm not sure what she planned to do. Confront the guy? Steal an article of clothing so she could have a memento of their six dates together? Put Christmas presents under his tree? It kind of makes all of our normal stalking tendencies seem totally sane and acceptable. I can proudly say I've never broken into the home of an ex-- but I have maybe tried to break into email accounts. One time I spotted an ex on the street, followed him into a store, and pretended to run into him. In high school, I used to drive by my crushes house all the time, but I lived in San Jose and there was literally nothing else to do. So, I'd say on the stalker scale, I'm about a 3. Okay, a 4 if you count all the internet stalking I've done in my past.

An old friend of mine had an ex who not only stalked her for years, but also went as far as constantly emailing/calling her mom and even emailing The BLOW OFF. We all begged her to get a restraining order, but she pussied out last minute because she didn't want to see him in court. I'd say on the stalker scale, he was about an 11.

Some people are just less mentally stable than others and there's not much you can do to avoid them getting trapped in your chimney. If I had to guess, I would say Genoveva's ex probably slept with her (she'd been to his house, so they were probably doing it), then stopped calling her without any explanation and she couldn't deal with it.

So for all of you men and women out there-- if you want to minimize the chance that the person you're dating could become a stalker-- here's a couple tips. Until you're 75% positive about a person, don't act like they're the best thing that ever happened to you. See this post. Don't say things like "where have you been all my life." Don't drop the L bomb too early. Don't mention your friend's wedding in six months that you want to take them to. Take it slow. Like Genoveva's ex said: get to know them better before inviting them into your life. And if you decide they're not the person for you, don't disappear on them. This the quickest way to make any person go nuts. Give them some sort of explanation as to why you're calling it quits. Give them a little closure that doesn't involve firefighters and a shitload of dish soap.

Special thanks to Jen K. for making us aware of the chimney story.

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