Thursday, October 16, 2014

Throwback Thursday: The "0 to 60 to 0" BLOW OFF


I should have known better: red flag circus. First date, he exclaimed mid-conversation, "where have you been all my life!" Second date, he asked me to look at a new apartment with him, saying "WE can throw dinner parties here!" Third date (all pre-sex), he looked longingly at me with his big brown eyes: "can I follow you around like a puppy dog?"

Once relaying this information to a few guy friends, they replied unanimously -- "RUN...he must have been abused by his father as a child, no man says these things and is psychologically stable." But I was still trying to figure out if I even liked the guy. I did know that I liked the attention. So I idiotically continued with the fourth, fifth, sixth date, hoping against odds that he would prove to be my emotionally available knight.

The dates were fantastic, I had a blast. He pulled out impressive stops with concert tickets, fancy dinner reservations, secret bars and always calling when he said he would call (plus some). I continued to be open to the idea, but not too available. And then the inevitable happened: he suddenly stopped contacting me one weekend.

No email responses, no text messages, no phone calls. Confused, I let it slide at first: a reasonable explanation must exist, he said he loved me last time we saw each other! A few days passed and then Facebook revealed the truth. 3 albums of a party surfaced on his page depicting him on the floor entangled with scantily-clad women and men in a drug-induced faux-orgy. (A few photos followed him dry-humping a girl; I then proceeded to learn everything about said girl the internet had to offer. I now know her home address, her college activities and the details of a lawsuit her mother faced in the 90s.)

Suffice it to say, this was a surprise to me. He had just shown me photos of his childhood treehouse, prepared a chicken dinner for me and asked me to go camping with him and his friends. Had I mis-read his intentions? No. I had just been blown-off. Begrudgingly, I prepared myself for a "state of the union" conversation with this boy that to this day I still don't know if I even truly liked. Turns out he felt like he could not let go of his party-self, even though he "wanted to want" to be in a relationship. i.e Lame. We ended things on friendly terms and continue to run into each other at social events where we cordially propose meal/drinks without ever actually making plans. But he still comments on my Facebook page from time to time.

2 comments:

  1. Your story and stories like this upset me to no end. I've been the victim of this myself- not quite under the same circumstances. There was never I love you or anything but it was always the guys that pursued me and then the second I really became open to the idea of being with them they ghosted. Maybe they liked the thrill of the chase or maybe when push came to shove they realized they really didn't want to be in a relationship. Not to be a total BRAVO-holic but before I even read your post I was thinking about this situation last night. I somehow got into Below Deck this season (don't ask). One of the crew, Kelley (the hot southern former marine) was majorly crushing on his fellow deckhand Jennice, who happened to have a boyfriend. He kissed her and professed his feelings and she blew him off. Then as it always happens on these shows, Jennice and her bf split and then she told Kelley she returned his feelings. They went on a romantic date and seemed to be a cute couple. But of course, this charter season is ending and they don't live in the same city. Jennice told her other crew members they were going to be moving in together in Ft. Lauderdale and when Kelley was asked about it his response was basically, "jigga what?" He said it was moving too fast and he had no plans to move in with her. Of course he hasn't said this to her because that happens on the finale next week. But all I could think was- dude you moped around all season bc you liked this girl and chased her and couldn't have her and now that you have a real chance you're running the opposite direction. It's the worst. I feel for you sister.

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  2. I just have to say I'm actually glad I experienced this phenomena of the "all in-you're so amazing-please meet my parents" and then BYE. I didn't realize it was a red flag because I had never been treated so well, so extremely well, in the super early stages of a relationship before (and I'm saying this at almost 30 years old). So now, I know when to run!

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