Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Back Up Plans & the BLOW OFF

Have you seen the movie "The Back Up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez? If you haven't, I do not recommend it. It was pretty awful. However, as a single 32 (almost 33 ahhh) year old, I've been starting to think about my options. In a perfect world, I will get married and procreate. But this ain't no perfect world. So I've made a list of backup plans. Feel free to steal them as they are all brilliant. Obviously.

1. Rescue a Rottweiler or Pittbull. Single women are known for having cats, but I'm allergic to cats. Also, with a few exceptions, I hate cats. I would much rather have a loyal beast by my side. I've always loved big dogs and I figure I can take my Rottweiler (who I've named Otis in my mind) to the dog park and meet a super hot guy. He will have a girl Rottweiler. Our dogs will fall in love and so will we.

2. Adopt a Cambodian child. If Angelina can do it, so can I. Sure I'd love to experience the miracle of being preggers, but if it doesn't happen, I think I can be happy with Otis and my Cambodian child.

3. Go to Vegas. Not just for vacay, but for a husband. I'll pick him out of a crowd, get him super wasted and take him to the chapel. We will be married by Elvis (Elvis and I share the same birthday) and live happily ever after. Or not, but I've developed a theory that it's much easier to get married if you've already been married. I mean you hear of 40 year old second brides much more than 40 year old first time brides. Just sayin.

4. Put on a wedding dress, go door to door and keep saying "I do" until some lucky fella says he does too. It's kind of like selling girl scout cookies, but I'm selling myself instead.

5. Find a guy in a coma with amnesia and tell him I'm his wife. Like the movie The Vow.  We are just replacing Channing Tatum with a crazy girl.

So as you can see, I've given this quite a bit of thought and come up with some really wonderful back up plans. Or we have discovered why I'm single.

Do you have backup plans? Are they as awesome as mine? I'd love to hear.

3 comments:

  1. Haha, I am single, have a pitbull, also sponsor a child from Africa via my church! Great article, made my afternoon!

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    1. Aw thank you! I feel like you may be my sista from another mista. And what great things you are doing :)

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  2. Oh sammi, you are so funny! You crack me up! Xo

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