Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Boys only want love if it's torture?

Welcome to our new column: Love according to Taylor Swift lyrics. Or Taylor Swift Tuesday. I'm smart enough to NOT put that as the title of this post, because I actually want people to read it. I also realize I may be going to hell for this, but I’ve been listening to the album 1989 non-stop and Swift's songs throw in some wise and/or questionable nuggets about relationships. Enough to inspire some BLOW OFF posts.

As you may already know, I have a bit of an obsession with the song “Blank Space.” The video is gorgeous and I give Swift props for making fun of the fact that everyone thinks she’s a psychotic serial-monogamist. In the song, Tay-Tay muses that: "boys only want love if it's torture."

On this point, I have to argue that quite the opposite is true. Boys NEVER want love when it's torture. Men want things to be easy. All the time. In a survey of ten million men that I conducted yesterday, 9.9 million said the number one reason for ending a relationship was because things got "too hard." The remaining 100,000 said "they didn't want anything serious."

I don't know what Taylor is talking about. Maybe this is why none of her relationships have lasted very long? She's somehow under the impression that guys like it when she sends them belligerent texts or writes ultra-specific songs about them? No, just no.

We all know the quickest way to get eliminated on The Bachelor is to cry or start drama with the other girls or ask The Bachelor questions like "where do I stand?" (editor's note: unless you are super hot, then all bets are off). I swear if my husband ever filed for divorce, the number one reason would be "irreconcilable requests to do the dishes, walk the dog, and throw dirty laundry in the hamper instead of right next to the hamper." In fact, the glue that holds our relationship together may be the fact that I do the laundry. The point I'm trying to make is that dudes do not react well when their lives are over-complicated by their relationship. They only want to be tortured if it includes blindfolds, handcuffs, and a safe word.

And this might be why some guys are tempted to cheat. Their wives, kids, mortgage = tough shit. Their mistress = Nothing but good times.

So to Taylor Swift, please change the lyrics of your song to "boys only want love if it's easy." And to the three men reading this, do you disagree with the above? Do you prefer high drama and torment or peace and serenity and clean laundry? Comment below.


  1. (1 of 3 male readers here!) I am probably not a good representative of the entire male bachelor demographic, but I do want a woman who can be a "challenge." Too easy and I take her for granted. Kenny Chesney has a great verse in his song, "Lost It":

    No one can make me cry
    Make me laugh
    Make me smile
    Or drive me mad like she does
    It's like a curse that is the cure
    Better or worse, one thing's for sure
    It's real love and I don't know what I'd do
    If I lost it

    1. PLEASE write a blow off post about the "challenge" and the "chase". I don't think we've gotten a guy's perspective on this before.

    2. My husband says that about me - what's the old saying. Can't live with, Can't live without?

  2. As another non-stop 1989er, I too, have put some thought into this lyric. My conclusion: she's referring to "the chase." You show interest, and they're bored. You put out, they're bored. You "show them incredible things," they're bored. Maybe this speaks more about the ages/types of guys Taylor goes for. The way I see it, all she really wants is to be Netflixing nightly with her boo thing, and instead, she goes for playboys that aren't ready to settle down. I could go on about this, but I would be projecting, and thus, violating my new life choice to not wonder why I'll never find love.

    1. this all makes complete sense. I think she needs to go back to dating an older man. part of me thinks she and Jake G are meant to be.

    2. I agree Saaara. I think Taylor Swift would be better off with an older man, but keep in mind that older man does not necessarily mean fuddy duddy. Many of us are more adventurous than much younger guys. I simply think that there is something in a man's DNA that makes him more likely to cherish a woman his age or younger, and it is especially true when she is younger for some reason. I think it is simple really. Women want a man to see here as somebody he can't live without...his ideal woman...he can't do better than her. Well, that is simply going to happen more often for most guys when she is in fact, younger, though not something like him being 70 and her being 22. No, I mean more like her being 5 to 12 years younger as a sort of target range. I personally see a lot of damage being done with the cougar craze. I know a lot of women in their 30s to 50s who are in great shape, and thus are targeted by younger guys for short term relationships. In reality, not much different than what Taylor has gone through. Oh sure, they promise these older women the world, that they are different, that they wnt a serios relationship, but what they really want is a faux relationship that they can easily leave when they feet get itchy. These guys do this to women their own age also, but they see older women as an easy target for this, and the truth is, older women make better partners in these types of relationships. Why? I think it is best described by what one of those women I know said. She said, "I just find those younger guys enchanting." And so of course, she treats them better than the women their age who do not see them as enchanting. But this does not mean he wants that older woman long term. No, eventually he will get itchy feet, and need to scratch that itch by walking. Often into the arms of another older woman, or eventually a woman his age or younger...Ashton Kutcher anyone? Tom Cruise? Etc...

      I think Taylor wants a guy who is going to make her a huge priority in his life. I think she has a better chance of finding that with an older man. One who sees her as irreplaceable in his life.

  3. I can completely agree with what you said in your article. As a male with some social anxiety, the last thing I need is or a girl not to act interested (that is, if they are interested but don't act it) if I manage to work up the courage to even walk up to them. I've had it happen before, and I kind of just walked away with this sick feeling in my stomach, almost as if I had made a complete fool of myself. She then came to me and said she really was interested, but I ended up saying no because the last thing I need in my life is someone who acts uninterested, just because she thinks it will make me want her more. I'd rather be with someone who is very open, and doesn't act like they couldn't care less about me if I care a lot about them and show it too.

  4. I don't know if I'm one of the three males or not but I completely agree with this article. I hate it when things get complicated and also relate 100% to the clothes next to the hamper not in it thing.