Thursday, November 6, 2014

Happy Endings: the two BIGGEST myths

Lucky D on her wedding day.
If I've come to believe anything from my happy ending it's these two things: #1 There's no such thing as your type. If you think there is, you may just have a pattern of dating the wrong people for you. #2 I don't believe in "the feeling" that he's "the one".

The story of how I met my husband is about as romantic as it gets. We met, in a bar, watching football. After barely speaking a word to me, he gently asked for my number. I was confused and excited, so obliged. On our first date, he told funny jokes, talked about his tiny bladder and how great his parents were and kissed me goodnight. He then proceeded to romantically woo me with weeks of dates where he mostly bought me drinks and rarely bought me dinner. Sounds kinda like a Sex and the City Charlotte vignette. Obviously, I was smitten.

Or maybe you're getting the idea. This was no storybook romance. But who cares. Those are stupid. And this romance was perfect for us in many ways. Our relationship is the same way. Not perfect by Hollywood standards but great. And I think we've managed to bust some dumb relationship myths in the process.

So #1 why don't I believe in types? Well, before my hub, I pretty much dated tall, lanky, academic nerds. This was my type. My hub is a freckled, redheaded lumberjack who used to have his nipples pierced. So.....not my type. But the weird thing is, he was and is perfect for me, just in ways I hadn't thought of. He makes up goofy alternate lyrics to songs like I do, he gets a kick out of making himself laugh (I call him a SCAMU - self contained amusement unit), and he is the most insanely, thoughtful person on the planet. I started to fall in love with him when on a first date on Valentine's Day, he never once said Happy Valentine's Day. In fact, he didn't even acknowledge that it was Valentine's Day. I thank god my husband asked for my number and was persistent, because dumb old me never would have given him a second look or thought....because he wasn't my type.

And #2 why don't I believe in the Eureka feeling? I don't know, I just don't believe in "Aha"s. I think these ideas drive people, particularly single women, insane. You'll know when you know. It will just come to you. Bullshit. I never had it and it didn't matter. Truth is, I dated someone for a long time before I met my husband, and if he had asked me to marry him, I very well might have said yes. Things with my husband had always felt different, and the longer we dated, the more it became clear that I was madly in love with this person.

But I didn't jump out of bed one morning jolted by the revelation that this guy was THE ONE.  But when I look back, I've start to see this as good news, not bad news. What I realized was that every day I knew him, I loved him a tiny bit more and still do. There was no tipping point. One day a light didn't switch and say, "Yup, it's him. Let's do this." But that means that I actually get to feel better about my decision every day, and it gave us room to grow even sturdier and more certain, gradually, together. And personally, I think that's a lot more fun. So I'm here to report back from married land that I never had a "he's the one" aha, and I still found my happy ending.

3 comments:

  1. I love this! I think love grows and there are certain defining moments when you can just see yourself with that person. I think people who are expecting that movie oh my god moment are in for some disappointments.So glad you found your happy ending!!!

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  2. Awesome story. I'm sooooo sick of people saying "everyone has that one special person" and "when you meet him, you will know he's the one." I'm in my mid-30's and I can think of three guys which whom I could have married and been quite happy with. Soulmates my a$$.

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  3. Love this! It's all so true! and every time i'm reminded that your hubs used to have his nipples pierced, it cracks me up. mine used to have his tongue pierced.

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