Wednesday, November 19, 2014

low standards & the BLOW OFF

the original manson girls
This week has really messed with my perspective on the world. First, my childhood hero Cliff Huxtable is allegedly a rapist (yes, I know the accusations have been around for awhile, but I somehow ignored them like the rest of the world). Second, if you spend any time on Facebook, then you know that serial killer Charles Manson is getting married.

What-the-fuck? How is it that I have several wonderful, beautiful, smart, kind, successful female friends who are still single and Charles Manson is getting married?

We're not even talking about young Charles Manson from the 70s. The man is eighty years old. His fiancee is twenty-six. She claims she wants to marry him, because it'll allow her access to details of his case--- but I'm pretty sure the Manson murders won't be the subject of the second season of Serial. It's kind of an open and shut case, am I right?

What I find the most horrifying and hilarious is that when RollingStone first reported last year that Afton Elaine Burton was going to marry Manson, he said "That's a bunch of garbage. You know that, man. That's trash. We're just playing that for public consumption." GUYS. Even Charles Manson was like-- "slow your roll, girlfriend. I never said I was going to marry you." I'm guessing she gave him a shit or get off the pot ultimatum, because now he's on board. And they're even going to have a prison wedding. How is that actually a thing and we haven't seen it yet on Orange is the New Black?!

Personally, I think this whole story makes both sexes look bad. On one hand, it makes you wonder whether women have really low standards and will marry anyone. But it also bodes the question: are men just that shitty that we have no choice but to take what we can get? Do my single friends need to take their standards down a notch? Is there a Tinder for prison inmates?

To this I want to say: NO. I have to believe that there are still good men out in the world. Guys who want to date women who are age appropriate. Guys whose internet search history won't make us puke. Guys who aren't in prison for starting a cult and murdering people. Guys who are nice to their moms and generously tip their waiters. Guys who would never cheat, regardless of how famous they are or how much money they make. Guys who are more like Matt Damon.

Maybe I can start my own version of Tinder. I'll call it "I have standards".  I don't care if that's not a catchy name for an app. And every guy on there will have to go through a strict vetting process that proves they actually want to be in a relationship and most importantly, they don't beat off to pictures of underage girls. If you're an angel investor and you're interested in funding my new venture, you know where to find me.


  1. I would def. download your app. and so would the rest of my single girlfriends.

  2. I third the above.

  3. The Matt Damon line was a nice touch. He truly is the perfect guy.

  4. You have any friends in the Bay Area? Hook a brother up, yo!

    Also if that doesn't pan out, we can start a company and I can do the engineering for your app. We'll sell to Facebook for $10m.